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I'm sorry for not following up on my promise; my Dad suffered a medical emergency and I am uncertain of the future of his health.

@Macdougall - I just read this now and had no idea you were struggling like this lately. I have a busy day today but am promising to respond in detail either today or tomorrow. I see a lot of parallels between your childhood and adolescence and mine. Ever since I met you in S6 I've felt a strong bond of friendship between us and some kind of spiritual connection which exists in the planar Forum Mafia dimension. It bothers me a great deal that you're struggling like this. I owe it to you and our friendship to write a letter concerning what you posted, and I also should express that it takes an extraordinary character to write something like this and post it publicly. You are not alone in your emotional pain. I had a suicide attempt roughly three weeks ago myself, and if it means anything - and it should - my takeaway is that suicide is not the path anyone in the world should take. I hope it's not what you're considering, but I have to take the idea seriously when you mention such major depressive features in your post along with suicidality. I have major qualms with psychiatry, and I can't personally advise a course of treatment, but I would recommend speaking with your doctor (I hope you have one) and consider that pharmaceutical drugs may be of benefit if your physician is on side with the notion. Otherwise, keep in mind that people LOVE YOU. You are a remarkable personality in my life; I love essentially everything of yours I've ever read. Your sense of humour is one of the best I've ever known. I completely jive with basically all of your opinions and in terms of the game believe you are one of the greatest Forum Mafia players in history--an early figure in the sport akin to Cyclone Taylor or Howie Morenz. I'll write more than this later as I have said, and I'll just close this by saying sternly that you can always reach out to me if you're in this type of turmoil. I understand as well as anyone how dark life can get and am a non-judgmental person to speak with. All the best,