Final score, gg
22. 32.1 Moose
21. 50.6 Slimy Soab
20. 55.3 Chemist1422
19. 55.7 MF DOOM
18. 57.5 Owner2
17. 59.0 soah
16. 59.4 CrimsonFox
15. 61.2 Fable
13. 63.0 ladd
13. 63.0 LordQuas
12. 63.7 Owner
11. 65.1 Zarathustra
10. 67.2 Zack
9. 67.8 Bunny
8. 70.1 Sentenza
7. 71.9 nutella
6. 72.1 John Travolta
5. 73.6 Ampharos
4. 75.1 Roman
3. 77.4 iaafr
2. 80.6 Keldeo
1. 83.2 Newcomb
Category 1 reveal start
Category 2 reveal start
Category 3 reveal start
Category 4 reveal start
Category 5 reveal start
Category 6 reveal start
Category 7 reveal start
Category 8 reveal start
Category 9 reveal start
The plan -- Signups will remain open
indefinitely until I receive 10 entriesthrough August 31, though late entries are ok. I'll set a deadline after that or else if submissions are very slow to come.Alt subs are welcome, they just won't count towards the 10 minimum. Once entry is closed, I'll take my sweet time reviewing every category. In the past, that's meant about two weeks, but it could be longer. When I'm ready, I will reveal the entire Walrus over the course of about a week, probably Monday through Thursday at roughly 9:30pm EST. I'll do two categories per night and then 7, 8, and 9 together for the closer unless Discord participation is abysmal.
Points -- I use a completely arbitrary 0 to 10 scoring system with an above-average focus on category fit. Distribution is somewhat relevant to strength of field, with typically 1-3 tracks tanking hard and 3-5 getting 9+.
What to sub -- I would highly recommend sampling the tracks I provided. Beyond generic enjoyment, I'm usually looking for whether a tune captures a particular aesthetic I've laid out. The samples should hopefully flesh out a lot of vagueness in my descriptions.
HOW TO SUB -- Send me a Youtube or equivalent link to each of your submissions. If you're confident that you won't mess them up, spoiler anything else you want me to know about it and just give me the raw URL. I don't want to know which tracks are yours. I find out who wins live, with you. You will each get a random.org number that I will pair with your video links and never look at again until I'm posting the reveals.
Tastes -- I wrote this when I posted my first Walrus and find no fault in it today, but with the exception of what to absolutely not submit (yes, someone sent me an auto-0 track once), I think pursuit of category fit is way more important than style. I don't "dislike" any genre, I just find a higher ratio of hits to misses in some. Oh and don't sub $#@!ing Greta Van Fleet.
You're golden: aesthetic metal, post-rock, folk punk, vaporwave, legit alt country, vgm
You're probably fine: psychedelic with balls, post-hardcore, drone, noise, indie whatever, hip-hop, chiptune, electronic stuff, stoner rock and metal, post-metal, non-theatrical avantgarde, folk metal, black metal, tech death metal, bluegrass, classical, folk, blues, jazz, most genres with a -wave suffix
Middle of the pack: lots of stuff
Good luck: superficial metal, pop country, hard rock, rock 'n' roll, mainstream punk, pop that isn't supposed to suck, ska, "prog metal" as a stereotype, theatrical stuff, songs from musicals, power metal that isn't exactly Blind Guardian, anything that gets labeled "world music" by choice, R&B, meathead $#@!, heavy music that actually attempts to sing well, probably anything that has ever been mentioned in Rolling Stone.
You're just getting a 0: anything that sounds remotely reminiscent of Guns n' Roses, AC/DC, or the Steve Miller Band. Also your favorite 80s metal band sucks.
There is a special place in hell for you: Babymetal
1. The beat
I want to hear some fabulous drumming. Great doesn't always have to be complex. Sometimes it can just be a really passionate performance. Some of my favorite drummers keep it pretty simple but nail the dynamics. Others are masters of complex chaos. I'm down for either. Focus is on execution; if a human isn't playing it, it better at least sound convincingly like one could be.
Smashing Pumpkins - An Ode to No One
Krallice - Inhume
Hella - Biblical Violence
2. The drive
There's a cool breeze in the city that propels us along through a neon nighttime maze. Occasionally the towering structures yield way to a jumble of cars swarming like frenzied ants down the highway. It's futuristic, but it isn't dystopian necessarily. At least, it comes without dread. We're content to be lost in this sea of humanity and soak in its wonders.
Maserati - Inventions
Destroyalldreamers - Sombrer Dans La Folie
Kinski - Waves of Second Guessing
3. The drag
I love songs that kick it into low gear, usually with huge fuzzy bass but I'm open to alternatives. That's not to be confused with minimalism; you can do a lot of imaginative stuff at low bpm, and I ideally want to hear something powerful. Ship me your most intense slow roll.
Thou - Restless River
Nirvana - Where Did You Sleep Last Night?
Boris - Dystopia / Vanishing Point
4. The dream
I don't dream often, but when I do it's always driven by some warm, captivating curiosity. We're in a school submerged in two feet of crystal clear flowing water, wading along towards its source as everyone goes about their business as usual. We're ascending an elevator in a modern skyscraper standing on an island barely wide enough to contain it, watching ourselves from a distant perspective that takes in the surrounding tranquil sea, en route to board an airplane that floats like a balloon and diligently transports commuters across the ocean and back to its point of origin with no stops along the way. A wave passes through and washes us all into blissful nothingness. We're at a camp in a forest that consumes its visitors, but we do not fear it. Our lodge is impenetrable, and those who venture forth and vanish are noted but not mourned. We sometimes walk out through the walls and hide from this esoteric force for no greater reason than the thrill of it. It's always we. There's a woman there, her identity ambiguous and irrelevant, who shares the same fascination with it all. She vanishes too, inevitably, but it only means that day has come. We'll meet again.
Kettel - Pinch of Peer
Aphex Twin - Flim
Air - Alone in Kyoto
5. The dragons
I am a mighty warrior on an epic quest for a cool tune to play while I smite my foes.
Pagan Reign - Novgorodian Folk Dance
Equilibrium - Blut Im Auge
The Mountain Goats - Home Again Garden Grove
6. The meme
I think my "drunk cat" wore out its welcome on the second run, but I still want to keep it in that general ballpark. Send me something "bad"/ridiculous/hopelessly cliche that still manages to deliver. Metal is fine, but I might be inclined to mark down something in that vein that would be an equally viable cat 5 fit.
OMC - How Bizarre
Vitas - 7th Element
Basshunter - Dota
7. The furlough
We've been hyping this day for weeks. Wake up early, rush to get everything packed, and we're off out of town into the countryside, climbing up a dense Appalachian ridge towards the best amusement park you've ever set foot in. The drive is part of the event, all the rivers and forests whirling by you, but we're still just passive observers here. We aren't on our feet yet. The theme is adventurous, but clean and a bit refined. We're in some fantasy hedging on the real experience and setting the stage for the day to come. Glossy folk is a natural fit, though a rock tune that has a lot of momentum without getting its hands dirty can fit.
Lúnasa - The Morning Nightcap
The Baltimore Consort - The Mad Buckgoat
Yuji Yoshino - Days Past (Miki Higashino cover)
8. The festival
We've pulled through the gate, the car's unloaded, and it's game on. No time for a sense of adventure and anticipation now. We're too busy living in the dreamy moment of ferris wheels and roller coasters and cotton candy. It's exciting and happy. Often earthy but always celebratory in a way that exceeds normal every-day experience, there's something Dionysian about it. We're driven by the thrill of the moment.
Xploding Plastix - Dizzy Blonde
Stary Olsa - Brama
The Pogues - If I Should Fall From Grace With God
9. The farewell
And before we know it, the day is done. We showed up at the park as the gates were opening and rotated through every ride so many times we lost count. We've been on our feet for 12 hours and enjoyed ourselves to exhaustion in good company. It all comes back at you at once. Your mind's still in the dream, but you're suddenly cognizant that your body is barely holding itself upright. The millions of tiny lights adorning the attractions float incoherently around you as you stumble along with the herd through the night in a peaceful haze towards the exit.
Tom Waits - Anywhere I Lay My Head
Flogging Molly - The Sun Never Shines (On Closed Doors)
Old Crow Medicine Show - Wagon Wheel