Type: Posts; User: Zack
on a sidenote, these types of threads are always going to have a selection bias. The vast majority of people who played / will play in champs will never post in it, and it will mostly be the people who are really involved in champs. Which is fine, but what the really involved people want is not necessarily what most players want.
I personally don't remember any real problems with 2x5, and I played in that season. People seemed to like it, the games worked out fine, it created some fun moments for spec chat. Why not run that again (or some variant of it)?
people can circlejerk about mountainous all they want, but as far as I can tell, most people who play in champs don't like it and don't want the setup to be mountainous. Is this perception incorrect? Genuinely asking
I can whip up an alt sub if you want more submissions
shad's definitely the kind of guy who's actually a pretty good singer but would much rather sound like the "unconventional" vocalists he so admires
>click on amy's video
>the shrek song
>sings like a normal person
>a pause and stumble over half-remembered lyrics to add authenticity and indie cred
>ends the video by staring directly into the camera to assert dominance
>click on shad's video
>nice sounding guitar
>shad starts singing
>WTF IS GOING ON WHAT IS THIS
>WHY IS HE GRUNTING SO LOUDLY
9-7 Miami Dolphins at 9-7 Houston Texans
10-6 Carolina Panthers at 12-4 Chicago Bears
Rosen goes 16/22 for 226 yards, 2 TDs, 1 INT.
9-7 New York Jets at 9-7 Denver Broncos
11-5 San Francisco 49ers at 11-5 New Orleans Saints
1. Cincinnati Bengals, 11-5, AFC North
2. Buffalo Bills, 11-5, AFC East
4. Denver Broncos, 9-7, AFC West
6. Miami Dolphins, 9-7, wildcard (AFC East)
3. Houstan Texans, 9-7, AFC South
5. New York Jets, 9-7, wildcard (AFC East).
1. Dallas Cowboys, 13-3, NFC East
2. Seattle Seahawks, 13-3, NFC West
3. Chicago Bears, 12-4, NFC North.
4. New Orleans Saints, 11-5, NFC South
5. San Francisco 49ers, 11-5, wildcard (NFC West)
6. Carolina Panthers, 10-6, wildcard (NFC South)
The Dolphins head to Ohio to play Andy Dalton and the Bengals.
Joe Mixon ran for over 1500 yards this year. Their WR corps: Antonio Brown, AJ Green, Tyler Boyd. Their tight ends: Eric Ebron and Tyler Eifert. Good lord. Their defense isn't anything special but they tied for first in forced interceptions with Seattle. This Bengals team seems almost tailor-made to take advantage of our team's weaknesses.
Trust in the rustle brush.
Season 3, Part V: Wild Card
Insert GH comment about the monochrome uniforms.
Just before Coach Rustle's first season in Miami, the Dolphins traded left tackle Laremy Tunsil to the Houston Texans for the draft picks that would become starting right tackle Rannell Coffee, backup defensive end Damarious Crews, and backup left tackle Arsenio Millard. Both teams enter the playoffs at a robust 9-7. Both teams have played in the last two regular seasons, with the Dolphins winning 31-16 last year and 26-20 in Week 14 this season. The Dolphins have had this team's number (and draft picks!) in the regular season, but can they win in the playoffs with such a young and inexperienced team and coaching staff?
Note: after impressing in the regular season, Coach Jimmy Rustle officially makes rookie third-rounder Renee Warner the starting strong safety, and moves Ha Ha Clinton-Dix over to free safety.
The Texans start with the ball, but the Dolphins defense forces a punt. The potent Miami rush attack falters, but athletic tight end Darren Waller continuously finds holes in the Houston defense to move the chains, and then the run game picks up and Ballage gets a few nice runs in. Second-year quarterback Carl Enderle scrambles to get inside the five yard line, but it's called back on a holding penalty, and the young QB now faces 1st and 20. No problem, Darren Waller makes a catch for exactly twenty yards on first down, and then a touchdown pass to DeVante Parker strikes first blood as Miami goes up 7-0.
Houston strikes back with a lengthy, time-consuming drive - but their kicker misses a 35 yard field goal! Miami ball. Carl remains poised and calmly leads another unsexy, efficient drive. He's not forcing anything, just taking what the defense gives him, and is near-perfect on the day. A touchdown pass to Curtis Samuel makes it 14-0. Carl is 11/12 for 126 yards and 2 TDs so far.
Deshaun Watson responds with a TD drive to keep it close, and Miami gets ball back with 1:37 left in half and the ability to go up two scores and start with the ball in the third quarter. A nice pass to Ty Montgomery over the middle, Defensive Pass Interference on an otherwise open DeVante Parker, and suddenly the ball is near the red zone with 1:11 left and all our timeouts still. 16 yards to Montgomery over the middle again, to the 7. Samuel gets open on a slant in the end zone and Carl ... is sacked before he can release the ball. 2nd and goal on the 14. Rannell Coffee gets flagged for holding against Whitney Mercilus ... but JJ Watt bulldozed past Austin Blythe for the sack and a 14 yard loss anyways. 3rd and goal on the 28 yard line . Another holding penalty, this time from Blythe, but Carl's pass to David Moore only went for 17 yards anyways, so the penalty is declined and Miami kicks a field goal to go up 17-7 into the half. Carl has a 156.0 passer rating, just barely missing the 158.3 stamp of perfection. Despite the score, Watson is also playing well. Both team's run games are not doing much.
Miami ball again as Coach Rustle looks to turn this one into a spanking. Carl moves the ball upfield with quick passes, and Kalen Ballage breaks a 19 yard run to the five yard line, including a sick truck on Houston safety Justin Reid.
Carl follows up with a touchdown pass to Montgomery. 24-7.
The Texans fail to respond and have to punt, although they do on the 1 yard line. Something the CPU seems to have an uncanny knack for. We get enough breathing room for a punt but go 3 and out. Houston takes advantage and scores a touchdown, making it 24-14 heading into the final quarter.
Miami's ensuing drive starts off looking good, but Ballage goes down holding his ankle and limps off the field with help from a trainer. Good news: tis but an ankle bruise, and he should return to the game. For now, Lamar Miller takes his place against his former team. Carl continues his brilliance. After a 12 yard run by Miller to get into the red zone, Ballage returns to the field and runs for a 14 yard TD. 31-14, 6:48 left in game. It'd take a miracle to lose.
The Texans can't convert on a 4th and 2, and the Dolphins get the ball back at midfield. That should be the game. After a slow start, the run game picked up steam in the 2nd half, and Miami has no trouble running out the clock. In a blatant disregard for sportsmanship, Jimmy Rustle sends out the field goal unit to kick it through the uprights as time expires as Bill O'Brien's lawnmower flies into orbit. When asked about it in the post-game conference, his reply: "Would you like a rustle brush?"
Dolphins dominate, world stunned. No turnovers, all-around great play in every facet of the game. Best performance of the year easily. The Texans are our bitches.
You rustled brah?
QB Carl Enderle - 26/27 (96%) for 276 yards (10.2 y/a), 3 TDs, 2 sacks. 146.2 passer rating.
HB Kalen Ballage - 21 rushes for 95 yards (4.5 avg), 1 TD.
HB Ty Montgomery - 4 rushes for 18 yards (4.5 avg). 6 catches for 101 yards (16.8 yards) and 1 TD.
HB Lamar Miller - 4 rushes for 24 yards (6.0 avg).
TE Darren Waller - 7 catches for 70 yards (10.0 avg).
WR Curtis Samuel - 6 catches for 47 yards (7.8 avg) and 1 TD.
WR David Moore - 4 catches for 24 yards (6.0 avg).
WR DeVante Parker - 2 catches for 17 yards (8.5 avg) and 1 TD.
WR Robert Foster - 1 catch for 17 yards.
DT Christian Wilkins - 6 tackles, 1 TFL, 1.5 sacks.
DE Devin Haynes - 3 tackles, 1 TFL.
DE Christopher Jackson - 2 tackles, 1 TFL.
DT Malik Jackson - 1 tackle, 1 TFL.
LB Raekwon McMillan - 8 tackles, 1 TFL.
LB Jerome Baker - 5 tackles.
LB Denard Bridge - 1 tackle.
CB Xavien Howard - 5 tackles, 1 forced fumble.
SS Renee Warner - 7 tackles, 0.5 sacks.
FS Ha Ha Clinton-Dix - 6 tackles.
CB Minkah Fitzpatrick - 5 tackles.
CB Devin McCourty - 3 tackles.
K Ka'imi Fairbairn - 2/2 field goals (long 30), 4/4 extra points.
P Matt Haack - 1 punt for 44 yards.
QB Deshaun Watson - 21/28 (75%) for 193 yards (6.8 y/a), 1 TD, 2 sacks. 105.2 passer rating. 4 rushes for 21 yards and 1 TD.
HB Duke Johnson - 18 rushes for 56 yards (3.1 avg), 1 fumble. 2 catches for 33 yards (16.5 avg).
TE Cameron Brate - 8 catches for 69 yards (8.6 avg) and 1 TD.
WR Kenny Stills - 6 catches for 48 yards (8.0 avg). 1 rush for 3 yards.
WR Preston Williams - 2 catches for 24 yards (12.0 avg). Hey, this guy started out on our roster.
WR DeAndre Hopkins - 2 catches for 15 yards (7.5 avg). Shut down.
DL JJ Watt - 6 tackles, 1 sack.
EDGE Whitney Mercilus - 2 tackles, 1 TFL.
CB Keion Crossen - 8 tackles, 1 sack.
K Greg Joseph - 0/1 field goals (miss 35), 2/2 extra points.
Matt Stone, as in the guy from South Park?
I've always been a little miffed that they killed off Nihlus so quickly. I really like him.
I appreciate the opening to ME1 because it's pretty much the only BioWare game that has an actual introduction instead of that annoying trope of "start in the middle of some fight for which you have no context and no emotional stakes, then afterwards we'll do the necessary exposition and intro." And it's not just BioWare that does this (and not just video games).
And then you get to explore the Citadel, meet all the NPCs and most of the squadmates, with a few combat scenarios mixed in. It's an excellently paced start.
Season 3, Part IV: Season Stats and Awards
Carl: I totally forgot your name.
Ballage: That’s funny because people usually remember it.
Carl: Why’s that?
Ballage: It’s Scrotum Phillips.
The Miami Dolphins continue to improve each year, finishing this season 9-7 with a playoff berth. Despite the winning record, the Dolphins finished with a negative point differential (393 points for, 421 points against, -1.75 / game). Miami had the #2 offense (#11 points scored) and #31 defense (#26 points allowed).
Mitch Trubisky's streak is broken and Ezekiel Elliott wins MVP. It's the first time a non-QB has won the award since Adrian Peterson in 2012. Pete Carroll wins Coach of the Year.
Despite the turnover issues, Dolphins QB Carl Enderle comes in 8th in MVP voting. Josh Rosen didn't finish in top 10. Christopher Jackson wins DROY, Curtis Samuel wins Best WR, Trent Williams wins Best OL, and Ka'imi Fairbairn wins best K.
Josh Allen and Sam Darnold both make the Pro Bowl. Rosen and Enderle do not.
QB Josh Rosen - 348/529 (65%) for 4,338 yards (8.2 y/a). 27 TDs, 11 INTs. 99.4 passer rating. 41 sacks. 32 rushes for 66 yards (2.1 avg), 1 TD.
TE Mike Gesicki - 64 catches for 616 yards (9.6 avg) and 4 TDs.
After garnering some criticism from fans and the media for giving up too much trading for Rosen, the Bears come out smiling.
QB Carl Enderle - 419/609 (68%) for 4,273 yards (7.0 y/a). 32 TDs, 16 INTs. 95.2 passer rating. 42 sacks. 50 rushes for 395 yards (7.9 avg), 3 TDs, 4 fumbles.
HB Kalen Ballage - 227 rushes for 1,258 yards (5.5 avg), 8 TDs, 3 fumbles. 11 catches for 93 yards (8.5 avg).
HB Ty Montgomery - 81 rushes for 446 yards (5.5 avg), 3 TDs, 1 fumble. 71 catches for 623 yards (8.8 avg), 2 TDs.
WR Curtis Samuel (PRO BOWL WR1, Best WR) - 108 catches for 1,162 yards (10.8 avg), 12 TDs. 6 rushes for 20 yards (3.3 avg).
WR DeVante Parker - 65 catches for 740 yards (11.4 avg), 5 TDs.
WR David Moore - 43 catches for 452 yards (10.5 avg), 2 TDs.
WR Jakeem Grant - 24 catches for 298 yards (12.4 avg), 1 TD.
WR Robert Foster - 8 catches for 117 yards (14.6 avg).
TE Darren Waller (PRO BOWL TE3) - 72 catches for 649 yards (9.0 avg), 8 TDs.
TE Jake Butt - 12 catches for 108 yards (9.0 avg).
LT Trent Williams (PRO BOWL LT1, Best OL)
RT Rannell Coffee allowed 17 sacks. No one else allowed more than 6.
DE Christopher Jackson (DROY) - 65 tackles, 13 TFL, 5.0 sacks, 1 FF.
DE Devin Haynes - 72 tak, 22 TFL, 1.5 sacks, 1 FF. wtf at those sack numbers.
DT Christian Wilkins (PRO BOWL DT1) - 72 tackles, 18 TFL, 6 sacks, 1 FF.
DT Malik Jackson (PRO BOWL DT3) - 56 tackles, 18 TFL, 5.5 sacks.
Devin Godcheaux does not make Pro Bowl. Guess it's just our system / lolmadden.
LB Raekwon McMillan (PRO BOWL MLB2) - 117 tackles, 9 TFL, 2.5 sacks, 1 INT.
LB Jerome Baker (PRO BOWL ROLB1) - 117 tackles, 5 TFL, 1.5 sacks, 2 INTs.
LB Denard Bridge - 30 tackles, 1 INT.
CB Minkah Fitzpatrick - 92 tackles, 4 TFL, 1 INT.
CB Xavien Howard - 69 tackles, 1 INT.
CB Devin McCourty - 69 tackles.
CB Damontae Kazee - 25 tackles, 1 FF.
FS Adrian Phillips - 65 tackles, 2 TFL.
SS Ha Ha Clinton-Dix - 91 tackles, 4 TFL, 1 INT.
SS Renee Warner - 22 tackles, 2 TFL, 1 INT. I think he'll get the start over Adrian Phillips in the playoffs.
Ka'imi Fairbairn (PRO BOWL K, Best K)
NEXT: Wild Card round
Season 3, Part III: Weeks 15-17
"People care what I think. I have a prestigious blog, sir."
7-6 Miami Dolphins vs. 7-6 Atlanta Falcons
When was the last time we played a team without a winning record?! Yeesh.
It's not pretty, but the Dolphins maintain control most of the game. The Falcons rally to give us a scare in the 4th quarter, but Miami hangs on for the dubya.
Just win baby! We've now officially improved over last year's record and at the very least secured Coach Rustle's first non-losing season.
1. Bills, 10-4
2. Dolphins, 8-6
3. Jets, 7-7
4. Patriots, 3-11
If the season ended today we'd be one of the wildcard teams - lettuce hold on! Our next two games are home against the Jets and on the road against the Pats. Divisional games seem to always turn into a clown fiesta, so keep on your toes.
8-6 Miami Dolphins vs. 7-7 New York Jets
It's a cold rainy night in Stoke, er, Miami, and the Dolphins get out to a rough start. Darnold and Bell are racking up the yards like crazy, but Darnold's thrown two picks and Bell left the game with a dislocated elbow. Carl manages to toss a beautiful long ball to a receiver buried on the depth chart (Deon Cain) for a TD just before the half ends, and from here on out the game turns into a gunslinging duel between the two young quarterbacks: lots of yards, lots of points, lots of interceptions (including two from Jamal Adams where he rockets into the sky and holds onto the ball while getting tackled in the rain, grumble grumble).
Miami is down 7 with 1:45 left in the game, two timeouts left, ball on our own 35, raining hard. The Dolphins drive up the field and Carl runs it into the endzone himself for the second time of the day with twenty-six seconds left in the game. Coach Rustle plays it safe and kicks the extra point to tie the game... the Jets don't do anything in regulation, but get the ball and score a touchdown in overtime.
1. Bills, 11-4, clinched division
2. Jets, 8-7
3. Dolphins, 8-7
4. Patriots, 4-11
1. Bills, 11-4, AFC East
2. Bengals, 10-5, AFC North
3. Broncos, 9-6, AFC West
4. Colts, 8-7, AFC South
Texans, 8-7, AFC South
Jets, 8-7, AFC East
Dolphins, 8-7, AFC East
Chiefs, 8-7, AFC West
Raiders, 7-8, AFC West
Browns, 7-8, AFC North
Jaguars, 7-8, AFC South
Things are still very much up in the air, much like Jamal Adams. It's worth noting that the Texans and Colts play each other for the division title next week, and the loser probably gets knocked out of the playoffs.
8-7 Dolphins at 4-11 Patriots
The Dolphins seek revenge for our most embarrassing loss of the season, and slightly less importantly to keep our playoff hopes alive.
Miami scores a touchdown on the first drive without much trouble, and the Pats get a field goal. Miami scores another TD with minimal resistance, and the Pats drive into the redzone but Jerome Baker gets an interception, and the Dolphins offense continues to rip apart the New England defense to score another TD and go up 21-3. The Patriots again drive into the redzone but turn it over on a fumble, stopping another cromulent drive in its tracks as the game turns into a blowout. It's nice to be on the other side of this for once.
The Dolphins drive down to the 1 yard line, 4th down, 0:24 left in half, go for the gold but the QB sneak is improbably stuffed. No 28-3 halftime lead today.
New England comes out of the half and scores a TD. Dolphins punt, Patriots punt, Dolphins punt, Patriots punt. On this last Patriots punt, I've looked at the scoring summary and play-by-play log, and I'm not sure what the $#@! actually happened, but apparently there was a fumble on the punt and the Pats somehow got 2 points out of it?? How incompetent do you have to be to get a safety on a $#@!ing punt return? Ugh.
They punted it back to us shortly after and we scored a TD. Whatever. 29-12. We went for 2 apparently.
Nothing else of note happens.
The Dolphins finish the season 9-7. Let's see how the other potential wildcard teams fared.
7-8 Browns at 8-7 Chiefs
And like that, the 9-7 Dolphins secure one of the wildcard spots. The Jets are the only team left in the wildcard race that could finish better than 8-8.
8-7 Texans at 8-7 Colts
Texans 9-7, win AFC South
9-6 Broncos at 7-8 Raiders
Broncos 9-7, win AFC West
8-7 Jets at 11-4 Bills
Bills 11-5, win AFC East
Final AFC East Standings
1. Buffalo Bills, 11-5, first round bye
2. New York Jets, 9-7, wildcard
3. Miami Dolphins, 9-7, wildcard
4. New England Patriots, 4-12, dog$#@!
Final Playoff Picture
1. Cincinnati Bengals, 11-5, AFC North
2. Buffalo Bills, 11-5, AFC East
3. Houstan Texans, 9-7, AFC South
4. Denver Broncos, 9-7, AFC West
5. New York Jets, 9-7, wildcard (AFC East)
6. Miami Dolphins, 9-7, wildcard (AFC East)
The Dolphins will travel to Houston to play against the Texans in the wild card round. We did it! And against the team we made the Tunsil trade with and have beaten in our last two matchups to boot.
1. Dallas Cowboys, 13-3, NFC East
2. Seattle Seahawks, 13-3, NFC West
3. Chicago Bears, 12-4, NFC North
4. New Orleans Saints, 11-5, NFC South
5. San Francisco 49ers, 11-5, wildcard (NFC West)
6. Carolina Panthers, 10-6, wildcard (NFC South)
I wonder which conference is better...
The 9-7 Packers miss the playoffs in the NFC, and the rest of the teams in either conference finished 8-8 or worse (and damn was there a lot of 8-8).
NEXT: End of Season Stats and Awards
two of my favorite players that I've been playing with for years and have also met irl winning champs in back-to-back seasons
I also consider this a huge victory for ww players with four-letter usernames having a vowel in the second letter and ending with "ck".
Spacer - Leave it to a military family to name their son Commander.
Sole Survivor - War isn't the glorious and noble family tradition young Commander thought.
Male - Eff the haters.
Vanguard - Jedi with a shotgun.
Season 3, Part II: Weeks 11-14
"When I see a dolphin, I know it's just as smart as I am."
5-4 Miami Dolphins at 7-2 New Orleans Saints
Jacoby Brissett and Alvin Kamara have their way with our defense and the offense can't keep up. Game spirals out of control from there.
The Bills and Jets both win while Miami slips to 3rd in the AFC East. We play our next two games against them, so this is about to get interesting.
5-5 Miami Dolphins at 6-4 Buffalo Bills
The Dolphins run game is dominant, but turnovers, special teams gaffes, and Josh Allen are the crucial ingredients in a 28-21 halftime deficit recipe.
Miami sticks with the run game, and Kalen Ballage continues to rampage behind a bulldozing offensive line. Their reign of terror results in a touchdown to go up 38-35 with just over a minute left, but the Bills manage to kick a field goal as time expires to send the game to overtime.
Luckily, the Dolphins start with the ball against a defense that has had no answer to the run. Miami start to do their thing and march down the field, but a poorly timed holding penalty stops the offense in their tracks, and Coach Rustle is forced to turn to Carl to get the boys out of a 2nd and 20. It's a tough mountain to climb, and he gets to 4th and 8 just past midfield but not quite in field goal range. Matt Haack's punt pins Buffalo on their own 1 yard line. Naturally, the Bills drive down and kick the game winning field goal anyways. Kalen Ballage's 32 rushes for 236 yards are in vain.
The Dolphins would have won easily if not for three costly turnovers to the Bills zero. This is a game that will haunt us and potentially puts us out of the playoff hunt, barring a heroic run to end the season. Heartbreaking loss.
5-6 Miami Dolphins at 7-4 New York Jets
Clearly the Jets defense watched a lot of film from last week's game, as Miami struggles to get anything going on the ground in this one. To make matters worse, Curtis Samuel breaks his finger in the 1st quarter and will miss the rest of the game and probably more. Coach Rustle again must turn to Carl, and boy does he deliver. The game stays close until a few more inevitable ugly/unlucky Dolphins turnovers rear their ugly head and threaten to turn the game into a blowout in the wrong direction.
A TD drive right before the half keeps it reasonable and Miami ends the first half down 21-31, and starts with the ball in the third quarter. Sam Darnold has been meh, but somehow Le'Veon Bell already has 205 yards rushing what the actual $#@!. Our team, which this season has done a reasonably good job of shutting down the run and a very good job of running the ball, suddenly is giving up a historic running performance and can't run the ball effectively while our game manager quarterback goes full gunslinger to keep the game from getting out of hand.
Coming out of the half, Carl keeps coming with the sauce, and Jakeem Grant reminds everyone that a midget version of Curtis Samuel is still damn good. Then Fairbairn's field goal attempt is blocked. But for once we are on the good side of a costly turnover when Xavien Howard picks off Darnold and Ty Montgomery immediately runs for a 54 yard touchdown. Aaaand then Bell runs for a 69 yard TD. I don't know wtf is happening to the run defense.
The Dolphins fight back with a touchdown to make the score 35-38, and the Jets score another TD to go up 45-35 in the early fourth quarter. $#@!, our team is not really equipped to handle these kinds of shootouts we keep getting in. But Carl gives a rousing speech on the sideline: "Never give up, never surrender!" And he slings his way to another Dolphins touchdown. The Jets settle for a field goal to make it 48-42.
Down by 6, Miami gets the ball back on their own 25 with 3:10 left in the game. Carl spits hot fire and the Dolphins swim up the field, culminating in a five yard touchdown pass to Darren Waller with 23 seconds left. And the defense holds on for the one-point victory despite Le'Veon Bell shattering the single-game rushing record!
QB Carl Enderle - 33/46 for 464 yard, 4 TDs, 1 INT. 3 rushes for 7 yards, TD.
WR DeVante Parker - 9 catches for 112 yards, 2 TDs.
TE Darren Waller - 8 catches for 101 yards, 2 TDs.
WR Jakeem Grant - 7 catches for 133 yards.
HB Le'Veon Bell - 31 rushes for 330 yards, 3 TDs. 3 catches for 28 yards, 1 TD. Jesus Christ.
1. Bills, 8-4
2. Jets, 7-5
3. Dolphins, 6-6
4. Patriots, 3-9
The wildcard race has a panoply of 7-5 and 6-6 teams, so playoffs aren't out of reach yet!
6-6 Miami Dolphins vs 7-5 Houston Texans
We take a break from the AFC East rollercoaster to bring you a grudge match in the Tunsil Bowl. If you recall, last year the Dolphins beat the Texans 31-16 in Houston.
Also, you'd think a broken finger would have been a pretty serious injury, but Curtis Samuel is apparently healthy and ready to play this week...? Shrug.
It may not be a divisional game, but the Dolphins thrill ride continues. Carl leads a fourth quarter drive to kick a last second field goal that sends the game to overtime. The defense gets a stop in OT and we start on our own 6 but only need a field goal to win. A few plays later Ballage wins the game with a 79 yard TD burst.
Also: no turnovers for Miami this game!
1. Bills, 9-4
2. Dolphins, 7-6
3. Jets, 7-6
4. Patriots, 3-10
The Dolphins are in the middle of a bunch of 7-6 teams tied for wildcard spots at the moment. Winning the division seems pretty unlikely but is technically possible.
Next up: home against the 7-6 Falcons and Jets, then travel to play the first team without a winning record in what seems like forever, the New England Patriots.
NEXT: Weeks 15-17
We're looking at October 25th as the official end of "Week 1".
There are channels in discord for discussion, and of course this thread. Remember to keep all Week 1 discussion confined to the Week 1 channel or spoilered in this thread until the 25th. And a warning that those discussions may contain spoilers for the entirety of week 1, so be careful.
Eden Prime to Spectre Induction
End: October 25th
Citadel: Asari Consort
Citadel: Xeltan's Complaint
Citadel: Doctor Michel
Citadel: Rita's Sister
Citadel: Signal Tracking
Citadel: The Fan (ongoing)
Season 3, Part I: Weeks 1-10
"No aquarium, no tank in a marine land, however spacious it may be, can begin to duplicate the conditions of the sea. And no dolphin who inhabits one of those aquariums or one of those marine lands can be considered normal."
The Chicago Bears have a loaded roster but no quarterback after Trubisky's departure. GM Rustle sends Rosen and rookie offensive lineman Julius Kinder for a 2nd round pick, a 4th round pick, and overpaid right tackle Bobby Massie (the Bears needed to free up cap space for the trade to work). The Dolphins don't need Massie and could save some money by cutting him, but we don't need the space and holding onto him prevents any OL-needy team from snatching him up (laughs evilly).
Excited to start the season and see what this team can do. Intrigued to see how Rosen does in Chicago replacing the back-to-back MVP. We have an excellent offensive line, a new weapon on offense (Curtis Samuel), and lots of competent and versatile defenders. It's playoffs or bust this year.
Week 1 (vs Jacksonville Jaguars)
The Dolphins start off the season against the Jags and their 1st round QB Tommy Hicks. The question on everyone's mind: should the Dolphins have traded down the year before and waited to draft Hicks?
Carl and Coffee both struggle against Jacksonville; Carl throws several interceptions in the redzone, and Coffee struggles to contain Josh Allen on the edge. Kalen Ballage has success on the ground behind the strong line, but the offense's consistent inability to score points in enemy territory is their undoing. The Dolphins hype train threatens to screech to a halt before it even began. Hopefully the new pieces can gel before it's too late.
Tommy Hicks - 17/25 for 248 yards, 2 TDs.
Josh Rosen - 26/34 for 296 yards, 2 TDs. Bears win 20-10 over the Seahawks in Seattle.
Carl Enderle - 25/40 for 189 yards, 1 TD, 2 INTs. 6 rushes for 63 yards.
Week 2 (at Tampa Bay Buccaneers)
The Bucs were dominant last year and enter this game after winning week 1. Lettuce see if Miami can rebound against a tough opponent or slide into an 0-2 hole.
The Dolphins start with a 3 and out. Welp. But fortune smiles on us, for DT Christian Wilkins forces and recovers an Austin Ekeler fumble, and the fishmen get the ball on the Tampa Bay 4 yard line. Kalen Ballage runs in for a touchdown, and a defensive stop and strong drive looks to keep the momentum going, but Tampa Bay makes a 4th down goal-line stand and gets the ball back.
Mo worries, the defense stands tall all half and the offense recovers from that setback. Then Curtis Samuel gets open deep but drops the pass, and the Buccs storm in for a TD just before the half ends to make it 14-7.
The Dolphins hang on in the second half despite the lingering sense of squandered opportunities and missed potential. Then Carl uncorks a deep throw (on the run!) to Samuel, who redeems himself by reeling it in and running past multiple defenders for a 46 yard TD. The Buccs score again but the Dolphins control the clock on their way to victory.
The offense and defense flash moments of brilliance but can't seem to sustain it for 4 quarters. Despite the early dropped long bomb, Samuel breaks out with an 8 catch, 121 yard, 2 TD performance.
Week 3 (vs Buffalo Bills)
Gut out the W in our first division game.
Week 4 (bye)
Minkah Fitzpatrick extended for 5 years / $52.8 million. Punter Matt Haack extended for 3 years / $7.77 million.
Week 5 (vs New England Patriots)
The Pats QB has a mere 64 overall rating, but comes equipped with Superstar development, and they won the division with Brock Osweiler last year, so who knows what to expect.
Sure enough, their defense stifles and offense humiliates.
The Bears are 4-1 and Josh Rosen leads the NFL in passing yards. He has a 72% completion rate and 10 TDs to only 2 picks.
Week 6 (vs Los Angeles Chargers)
The home stand continues against the Chargers, now led by Kirk Cousins after Rivers' retirement. Our offensive line manhandles their defense and we move the ball at will, but a few insanely unlucky freak turnovers keep the score close. At the end of the day, the Dolphins rack up 230 team rushing yards and the Chargers end with... nine.
Week 7 (vs Carolina Panthers)
Ballage goes out the game early with a bruised sternum, and DeVante Parker leaves with the same injury in the 4th. At some point in the 3rd we were down 21-3, and despite a valiant comeback, it proves too much to hurdle.
Week 8 (at Tennessee Titans)
Rustle and the gang bounce back with a nice road win on the road. In other news, the Bears extend Rosen for 4 years and $64.4 million.
Current division standings:
1. Jets, 5-3
2. Dolphins, 4-3
3. Bills, 3-4
4. Patriots, 2-6
Week 9 (at Indianapolis Colts)
The Dolphins tip their hat to a retired legend in Phil Rivers and fail to pull this one out.
Kalen Ballage extended for 4 years / $10.8 million.
Week 10 (at Cleveland Browns)
The 4-4 Dolphins continue the road trip to face off against the 4-4 defending champs.
Miami strikes first blood on the opening drive, but the Browns answer right back to make it 7-7. After that exciting start, both teams trade punts, the Dolphins punt again, then Denard Bridge picks off Baker Mayfield and returns it to the 2 yard line and the Dolphins quickly punch it in for the touchdown to go up 14-7. The Browns punt again, but the Dolphins fail to take advantage of the opportunity to widen the lead, and the Browns overcome a beautiful Matt Haack punt to drive 95 yards for a touchdown to tie up the score.
Fast forward to the 4th quarter, Miami is up 24-17 and in Browns territory when Carl goes down with an injury. No! Luckily it's a minor pectoral strain and he'll return soon. Mullens does fine filling in for this drive (1/1 for 14 yards) but the conservative play-calling results in a field goal. Carl returns to the field on the next drive, crisis is averted, and Miami stays comfortable in the lead despite a Browns TD in garbage time.
Baker finishes with 300 yards and 3 TDs but throws 2 picks, Chubb is contained, and the Dolphins move the ball efficiently on offense. The defending champs are now in real danger of missing the playoffs entirely.
The Dolphins are in a 3-way tie at 5-4 for the division lead with the Jets and Bills, with a road game against the 7-2 Saints looming on the schedule next week. The Pats are 2-7 despite surprisingly good QB play. I don't understand this team.
Curtis Samuel leads the NFL in receptions, receiving yards, and is tied for the lead in receiving TDs. He's on pace for 128 catches, 1424 yards, and 14 TDs if he keeps up this pace.
The Bears are 7-2 and Rosen is having a brilliant season; he still leads the league in passing yards and is 7th in MVP voting. Carl has played well but he's struggled with turnovers a bit.
Ezekiel Elliott leads MVP voting.
NEXT: Weeks 11-14
remember to stick around for season 6 of the walrus championship
Thanks for playing all
Hopefully the setup gets re-used (wink wink, nudge nudge)
I'd like to host my annual walrus sometime before the end of the year if possible
Season 2, Part V: The Draft
GM Rustle had reach, Coach Rustle had flexibility.
After another busy free agency, GM/Coach/Warrior Poet Rustle looks to grab some elite talent and plug remaining holes with rookies.
1-29 (via Houston)
2-29 (via Houston)
Round 1 (1-12, 1-29)
An elite corner and very good defensive tackle go #1 and #7 respectively, but otherwise GM Rustle's draft board is intact. When it gets to pick 12, the Dolphins have three tantalizing prospects to choose from: OT Preston Taylor, DTs Christopher Jackson and Floyd Adkisson. Despite the potential hilarity in a Patriots division rival drafting someone whose name is dangerously close to "kiss son," Jackson is a clearly superior prospect at the same position, so the decision is really between him and Taylor.
Offensive lineman Preston Taylor is skilled in both pass and run blocking, young at 21 years old, and had a crazy good combine. However, the offensive line is already looking like a top unit and there's nowhere for him to start, and picking a backup 12th overall isn't something I'm interested in at this stage of the franchise.
Defensive Tackle Christopher Jackson is an awesome and unique prospect, with a rare combination of size, speed, and strength that enable him to play anywhere along the defensive line. I'm going to get way ahead of myself and call him something between a shorter Calais Campbell and a taller Aaron Donald. A versatile, talented, intriguing prospect at one of our weakest position groups? Sign me up.
Round 1, Pick 12
Nice. 292 pounds, 90 strength, and 83 speed, what a man. There's a good chance I kick him out to defensive end for at least his rookie season, but he really can play anywhere on the line.
Round 1, Pick 29
I was considering pulling the trigger on a Preston Taylor trade up as he kept slipping, but the Jets grab him at #20. He's a 74 overall, and doesn't fit a need at all, so likely for the best that I didn't make any such trade. I mull over trading down, but the offers are pretty meh, so I go ahead and selects another pass rusher, only partially because he's a white guy named Damarious.
Bleh. Turns out White Chocolate is more like White Charles Harris.
Round 2 (2-12, 2-29)
Round 2, Pick 12
I really like running back Andrew Reed, who is super fast, reasonably elusive, and takes care of the football. In before 70 ovr, normal development blue balls.
Okay what the $#@!. Yes, I really did jokingly type that before making the pick, so imagine my saltiness. Turns out, he's not good at much of anything except being fast and not fumbling.
Thought these last two picks were easy home runs, feelsbadman.
Round 2, Pick 29
Reasonable backup lineman. Wish he was a better run blocker.
Rounds 3 - 7 (3-12, 4-12, 5-12, 7-12)
Round 3, Pick 12
Awesome pick. His coverage skills are raw and he therefore won't get much playing time this season, but he's loaded with potential.
Round 4, Pick 12
Solid lineman, great name. Better than Millard.
Trade! The Cowboys need a tight end, so I send them Mike Gesicki for their 4th rounder and a 3rd next year.
Round 4, Pick 22
Apparently I forgot to take a picture of the result, but he's pretty similar to Millard, if slightly worse.
Round 5, Pick 12
The OL party continues!
More like Cory McThicc. He may very well be better than Millard and Kinder - at the very least, he's more well-rounded.
Round 7, Pick 12
Time for the obligatory Zack fast receiver meme pick.
He's awful, but I might just keep him on anyways as an extremely cheap emergency QB. Remember when I cut Joe Anderson for taking up a roster spot, good times.
Jackson are Warner are exciting, then a lot of nice depth acquired. Despite disappointments at 1-29 and the second round, I'm happy with this draft. Looking at the draft recap, it was a $#@!ty second round all around and Warner was the only notable 3rd rounder, and my stable of o-linemen were some of the only notable picks after that. It seems like this year most of the talent is in round 1, and you can maybe find a hidden gem in rounds 2-4 but otherwise it's mostly pretty scarce other than offensive line depth.
Josh Rosen is still on the roster. Now that the draft is over, GM Rustle will start calling up QB-needy teams for offers. The Jaguars, Vikings, and Chargers all took quarterbacks in Round 1, so they're off the table.
I was hoping that Reed could take a lot of the running back load, but he's a lot more raw than I was anticipating, so I sign a couple backs after the draft.
HB Lamar Miller - 80 ovr - 1 yr / $2.9M. Welcome back bronana.
HB Giovani Bernard - 77 ovr - 1 yr / $2.6M
NEXT: Season 3
Season 2, Part IV: Free Agency
Per the "must let at least one 80+ rated player test free agency" house rule, when it comes time to extend DeVante Parker, GM Jimmy Rustle responds: let the the free market decide.
LG Alex Lewis is released after an underwhelming season, saving $3.95 M. SS Reshad Jones is cut after further regressing into uselessness, saving $10.5 M. Also bite the bullet and cut Joe Anderson despite it not saving any money; he's just taking a roster spot and providing no real value.
After getting squeezed out of playing time, QB Josh Rosen and TE Mike Gesicki have quietly requested trades. Keep an eye out during the draft.
When the dust settles, the Dolphins enter free agency with $100 million in cap space, almost as much as last year.
QB - Carl is the future. With Rosen on the way out, need a new backup. Then again, Carl didn't miss a snap last season.
HB - Monty has the receiving back role locked down despite a small regression. I like Ballage, but could use another back to pair with him, especially since running backs in Madden get injured so frequently. Also need some depth.
WR - Need a #1, whether that's re-signing Parker at a fair market price or someone new.
TE - The Waller/Jarwin duo is serviceable, but an upgrade would be nice.
OL - Matthews and Coffee are the tackles of the future, and Blythe did very well at guard last season. Center and LG were a problem and need starters there. Plus depth everywhere.
DE - Haynes will look to improve on his DROY campaign, Charles Harris is a good third rusher, need another starter and backup.
DT - Starter plus depth, may look to re-sign Godchaux depending on price.
LB - This group has played well, including rookie Denard Bridge who was great as the third linebacker. That rookie class is turning out to be quite good, actually, other than Joe Anderson. Need depth behind the starters.
CB - Depth. Maybe look out for a star corner to pair with Howard and allow Minkah to move back to being a safety / slot corner hybrid.
S - Depth.
K/P - No need.
The roster is much more complete than last offseason, and mostly needs depth. The offensive and defensive lines need to be re-stocked, and Carl could use a top-end receiving option or two (Antonio Brown is available who I will, uh... not sign).
Back-to-back MVP quarterback Mitch Trubisky hits the open market and inks a deal with the Colts for 4 years and $111 million. Imagine this happening in real life.
Godchaux rejects our offer to sign with the Patriots, who have gobbled up a LOT of the top free agents. They still have no one at QB though, but that didn't stop them last year so ??. The Pats make a ton of sense as a Rosen destination, but $#@! that.
QB Nick Mullens - 69 ovr - 3 yrs / $10.1M. Should be a fine backup, but hopefully doesn't see the field much if at all.
WR Curtis Samuel - 82 ovr - 3 years / $23.7M. Upgrade at slot receiver (he's similar to Grant but better and taller) and another deep threat.
WR DeVante Parker - 81 ovr - 2 yrs / $21.2M. He's 28 and I don't want him more than two years, but he has been a very good outside receiver for me. The Jaguars drove up the bidding on this one more than I'd have liked.
TE Jake Butt - 74 ovr - 3 yrs / $7.65M. This was only 75% because his name is Butt. Okay, maybe 95%. It's honestly a pretty frivolous and unnecessary singing, but... Butt!
LT Trent Williams - 93 ovr - 2 yrs / $34.7M. Elite left tackle and gives Matthews some time to develop his run blocking. He is 33 but is rated high enough that shouldn't be a problem next year.
OL Taylor Moton - 82 ovr - 3 yrs / $30.1M. Good all-around lineman.
C Alex Mack - 82 ovr - 1 yr / $4.27M. Good center, elite run blocker. Comes with the superstar ability to highlight oncoming blitzers on 3rd and 4th downs which sounds amazing and should help Carl a lot.
DE Ziggy Ansah - 75 ovr - 1 yr / $2.35M. Didn't regress too badly, still a serviceable and versatile lineman, stays in Miami another year.
DT Malik Jackson - 77 ovr - 1 yr / $3.75M. Not as good a run stopper as Godchaux, but a better pass rusher. He is 31, so not a long-term solution.
CB/S Devin McCourty - 81 ovr - 1 yr / $3.75M. Second time's the charm! He can play corner or safety well and should help generate more turnovers.
CB/S Damontae Kazee - 77 ovr - 2 yrs / $7.52M. Yet another solid corner/safety hybrid with good catching. Shout out to H'Ardclaim Noot with this signing.
Some other depth players signed.
Flashier free agency than last season, the roster is actually looking pretty good now, though still a bit short on top-end talent.
NEXT: The Draft
Season 2, Part III: Weeks 14-17
"I pitched the idea that SpongeBob and Patrick learn a swearword. Everyone said no. I couldn't even use a bleep. So I used a dolphin sound instead."
Week 14 (vs Pittsburgh Steelers)
Initially the Dolphins struggle to keep up with Roflberger, but a 4th quarter rally from Miami makes it interesting, and the game is tied at 31 with 4 minutes left. The Steelers can't score, and Miami gets the ball at their own 20 with 2 timeouts and 1:16 left. A few nice plays then a 36 yard bomb to Jakeem Grant sets up an easy field goal, and just like that, the Dolphins escape with a victory and advance to 7-6. It's a nice change from Rosen, who always shrank in the moment, to ice-in-his-veins Carl.
Week 15 (@ San Francisco 49ers)
Next up for the 7-6 Dolphins, 1-11-1 San Francisco. The trappiest of trap games.
Long Dolphin drives sputter out for field goals while the 49ers score TDs. Despite their record, San Fran's defense is loaded with talent and the offense seems at least competent. It's a demoralizing game, and the 9ers rub salt in the wound with a meaningless field goal with 22 seconds left in the game.
AFC East Standings
New England Patriots, 9-4-1
New York Jets, 8-6
Miami Dolphins, 7-7
Buffalo Bills, 5-9
AFC Playoff Picture
1. Baltimore Ravens, 10-4, AFC North
2. New England Patriots, 9-4-1, AFC East
3. Houston Texans, 9-5, AFC South (recovered from their stumble, 3 game win streak, clinched division :/)
4. Kansas City Chiefs, 7-6-1, AFC West
5. Bengals, 9-4-1, wildcard (AFC North)
6. Browns, 9-5, wildcard (AFC North)
7. Jets, 8-6, (AFC East)
8. Dolphins, 7-7 (AFC East)
The odds of making the playoffs are slim to none. The division and Bengals are out of reach, and I'm not sure if we'd win a tiebreaker with the Browns, and even getting to that is very unlikely.
Week 16 (vs Denver Broncos)
A deflated Miami team comes out flat against Denver. Von Miller abuses Coffee and terrorizes Carl. However, the Broncos suck eggs outside of Miller, and the Dolphins sneak into the half with a 10-7 lead, but ultimately the inability to finish drives with TDs while the other team does haunts Miami yet again.
Dolphins are officially eliminated from the playoffs.
Week 17 (vs New York Jets)
If we lose: better draft pick.
If we win: revenge for the week 8 spanking, beat division rival, tie for 2nd in division, glory, honor, the old gods.
Ty Montgomery gets injured on the first play of the game. lol. It's not serious and he returns soon, but still. Coach Rustle decides to bench him anyways, as this game is meaningless and lettuce get Ballage some experience as a bellcow.
The offense is largely terrible except for one TD drive carried by a couple big plays. Despite no turnovers and throwing for 2 TDs, this is possibly Carl's worst game of his young career, albeit with some 4th quarter stat padding, and against the league's #25 passing defense, and you can blame him for this run-on sentence. It seems like the San Fran game crushed this team's spirits. Also seems like the Jets are our kryptonite for whatever reason. 0-4 against them now.
The Dolphins score a touchdown in the late 4th to give a spark of hope, but the defense can't get the ball back.
At the end of the day, this helps our draft position and hurts the Jets, who still miss the playoffs. But it still stings, and the old gods do not smile upon us today.
New England Patriots, 9-6-1
New York Jets, 9-7
Miami Dolphins, 7-9
Buffalo Bills, 6-10
The Bills fall from first to worst, but overall it appears there's a remarkable amount of parity in the AFC East, which is the more positive spin on "this division was won by Brock Osweiler." Who'd have thought that replacing Brady with Osweiler would improve the Pats record, rofl.
The Texans recovered from their mid-season skid and kept the winning streak going to finish 11-5, much to my dismay.
Miami finishes 7-9 with 371 points scored (#18) and 416 points against (#24), good for a 6.9 Pythagorean expectation, right in line with our actual record. The Dolphins end the year with the #23 offense and #20 defense.
QB Carl Enderle - 390/576 (67%) for 4,286 yards (7.4 y/a), 26 TDs, 13 INTs, 57 sacks, 31 rushes for 195 yards (6.3 avg).
HB Lamar Miller - 114 rushes for 553 yards (4.9 avg), 4 TDs. 7 catches for 26 yards (3.7 avg).
HB Ty Montgomery - 70 rushes for 362 yards (5.2 avg), 5 TDs, 1 fumble. 79 catches for 849 yards (10.7 avg) and 5 TDs.
HB Kalen Ballage - 65 rushes for 360 yards (5.5 avg), 6 TDs, 3 fumbles. 5 catches for 57 yards (11.4 avg).
WR DeVante Parker - 69 catches for 921 yards (13.3 avg) and 8 TDs.
WR Jakeem Grant - 52 catches for 641 yards (12.3 avg) and 6 TDs.
WR Josh Doctson - 29 catches for 357 yards (12.3 avg) and 1 TD. (Signed during early season WR injuries.)
WR David Moore - 42 catches for 338 yards (8.0 avg) and 1 TD.
WR Albert Wilson - 15 catches for 128 yards (8.5 avg) and 1 TD. The ten million dollar man himself.
WR Joe Anderson - 3 catches for 44 yards (14.7 avg).
TE Darren Waller - 72 catches for 757 yards (10.5 avg) and 3 TDs.
TE Blake Jarwin - 13 catches for 126 yards (9.7 avg) and 1 TD.
DE Devin Haynes - 66 tackles, 17 TFL, 5.5 sacks.
DE Ziggy Ansah - 54 tackles, 14 TFL, 5.5 sacks.
DT Davon Godchaux (PRO BOWL) - 67 tackles, 29 TFL, 4 sacks.
DT Christian Wilkins (PRO BOWL) - 65 tackles, 12 TFL, 7 sacks.
LB Jerome Baker - 143 tackles, 6 TFL, 1.5 sacks, 3 INTs.
LB Raekwon McMillan - 114 tackles, 5 TFL, 3 sacks, 1 INT.
LB Denard Bridge - 46 tackles, 4 TFL, 2 INTs.
CB Minkah Fitzpatrick - 121 tackles, 7 TFL.
CB Xavien Howard - 83 tackles, 2 TFL, 1 INT.
CB Vernon Hargreaves - 46 tackles, 1 INT.
S Ha Ha Clinton-Dix - 90 tackles, 4 TFL, 1 INT.
S Adrian Phillips - 69 tackles, 1 TFL, 0.5 sacks, 1 INT.
K Ka'imi Fairbairn - 24/27 FGs (88%, long 58), 41/41 XP.
P Matt Haack - 51.9 avg, 12 downed inside the 20, 10 touchbacks, long 70.
Trubisky repeats as MVP. Pete Carroll wins COTY. Sam Darnold is the AFC OPOY. Jerome Baker comes 3rd place in AFC Defensive Player of the Year voting but doesn't make the Pro Bowl, oddly. Carl wins AFC Offensive Rookie of the Year, and Devin Haynes wins AFC DROY. Fairbairn wins best kicker AFC.
Jerome Baker and Minkah Fitzpatrick upgrade to superstar development.
1. Ravens, 11-4-1
2. Texans, 11-5
3. Patriots, 9-6-1
4. Chiefs, 9-6-1
5. Bengals, 10-5-1
6. Browns, 10-6
1. Seahawks, 12-3-1
2. Buccaneers, 12-4
3. Bears, 10-4-1
4. Eagles, 10-6
5. Cowboys, 9-7
6. Giatns, 9-7
The Cleveland Browns beat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in the Super Bowl, 42-26.
NEXT: Free Agency
Season 2, Part II: Weeks 9-13
"For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time.
But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons."
Week 9 (@ Buffalo Bills)
David Moore is back from injury. The receivers are all healthy again, and hopefully that helps the offense play more consistently.
Aaaand the Dolphins first drive of the game starts at their own one yard line and immediately results in a safety. 0-2, Bills. That's never a good sign.
Except the Bills have no answer for Darren Waller's athleticism (8 catches, 125 yards) and no offense.
Week 10 (@ Houston Texans)
Oh boy, the Laremy Tunsil bowl! In other news, defensive end Charles Harris agrees on a one year extension for a surprisingly low $2.2M. He's no stud, but he's serviceable as a starter and an excellent guy to have as the third edge rusher in your d-line rotation. Also, rookie offensive tackle Ryan Matthews is inserted into the starting lineup after progressing very quickly and holding up well when he saw the field in Coffee's absence. He could end up being the surprise of the draft.
On to the game.
The last couple games have seen some controversy over who the primary tailback should be between Lamar Miller and Kalen Ballage, but Ty Montgomery reminds us who the actual important running back is by catching a wheel route for 32 yards. Lamar Miller goes for twenty yards on his first carry of the day, then loses six on his second carry. Lol. Near the end of the first quarter, DeVante Parker gets open on a corner route, hauls in the catch, embarrasses the defender, then runs uncontested for a 72 yard touchdown.
Matthews' has possibly played better in pass protection than Coffee, though Coffee tends to go against better pass rushers and is a much better run blocker. Matthews really needs to work on that aspect of his game - that and penalties. Overall, the o-line has done a reasonably good job of keeping the Texans front seven and JJ Watt in check.
Montgomery finishes the first half with 5 rushes for 34 yards and a TD to go with 4 catches for 90 yards and a TD. Coach Rustle has done a commendable job playing to his strengths (catching passes, agility, jukes) and minimizing his weaknesses (fumble-prone, poor at breaking tackles, average straight-line speed). Miami rides a 21-10 lead into the break.
Carl shows his potential with a 34 yard strike to Parker while 327 pound DJ Reader is right up in his face, but a few plays later throws a pick in the endzone. His scrambling ability continues to shine, though designed runs and read options have met with mixed results.
matthews struggling with penalties a bit later in the game
The Texans, who boast the NFL's #3 defense and #1 rush defense, are getting bulldozed by the Dolphins' #23 rush offense. Get the penalties and turnovers under control and baby you got a stew going.
Miami holds onto an 8 point lead with just under two minutes left, and punter Matt Haack pins the Texans on their own one yard line with no timeouts. Deshaun Watson drops back, rifles a pass... and rookie linebacker Denard Bridge puts the game away with a TAINT on the first play of Houston's two-minute drill. Hopefully this sends the Texans spiraling into a free-fall to improve those tasty draft picks.
Week 11 (vs Los Angeles Chargers)
The Dolphins crash back down to earth and get $#@! on by the Chargers. Derwin James destroys our offense, and the offensive line is overwhelmed by LA's pass rush, and our defense gets shredded by Phil Rivers.
Week 12 (@ Oakland Raiders)
The left guard and center have struggled mightily in pass protection as of late, and it almost sinks us again this week, but the Phins gut it out in overtime.
W, 23-17 (OT)
Week 13 (vs Los Angeles Rams)
Carl throws a pick on the first play of the game, and that sets the tone for the rest of the day. The offense struggles and Todd Gurley runs wild. One bright spot: DeVante Parker has been on a tear the last couple weeks, and he takes a slant 75 yards for a TD when the Rams blitz the house in the 3rd quarter.
$#@! Los Angeles, man.
In brighter news, Rannell Coffee and Ryan Matthews have now played enough snaps to have their development traits revealed. Coffee has Star development, unsurprising but still a bit of a letdown... but Matthews has Superstar! Who would've thought a 67 overall lineman selected in the late fourth round would turn out to be a potential franchise left tackle? Who needs Tunsil? Loltexans. Matthews unlocks the "Post Up" ability which helps him win double team blocks... seems kinda useless, but he unlocks another ability at 80 ovr that hopefully is more useful.
Unfortunately our $#@!ty division has come alive to become a suddenly strong division. I don't know how the $#@! the Pats are doing that well with Osweiler, but both them and the Jets are on a roll (they were both 3-4 at the last update on the standings, if you recall). Let's hope for some regression to the mean - as it stands, it feels like the division and playoffs are slipping out of our grasp.
Thankfully, the Texans have started to spiral after the hot 6-2 start, and now sit at 7-5.
The Dolphins boast the #12 offense (+4) and #21 defense (-1) by yards, #17 in points scored (-2) and #22 in points allowed (+9).
NEXT: Weeks 14-17
>get smoked by vanderbilt and kansas state
UMass is the kind of rollercoaster team I can get behind.
Underking is poisoned. They will die at the end of the Day if not healed.
Fixed the clock so day will start at the normal time, 5 PM US Eastern.
you don't need to join or stay in the discord server if you don't want to, but I think these are all interested parties that haven't joined the server, so pinging in case you missed it
Season 2, Part I: Weeks 1-8
Sun's out, guns out.
Despite lacking elite talent, holes have been plugged and the Dolphins should be respectable now. There are no huge, glaring weaknesses. No horrific lack of talent like last year. This team has depth and should put up a fight in games. Prediction: win 6-8 games, the Jeff Fisher special.
Second year defensive tackle Christian Wilkins tears his shoulder in the first preseason game, and is out until week 2 of the regular season.
Rookie offensive tackle Rannell Coffee dislocates his ankle in the last week of preseason: out 7 weeks. Oof.
Week 1 (@ Kansas City Chiefs)
Carl's first career pass sails into nowhere land as Jimmy Rustle's butthole sails into the clenched position. His nerves settle on the next play and he hits DeVante parker for 9 yards, but his first career drive nevertheless ends in 3 and out.
Carl puts together a solid next drive capped off with a Jakeem Grant TD, who seems to be working much better in the slot. That said, later in the half Carl throws his first pick because of Grant's diminutive 5'7" stature. Despite Grant's blazing speed and agility, his height remains a legitimate issue. Anyways, the Chiefs take advantage of the turnover and score a touchdown to go up 21-7 into the half. Even without Coffee, the offensive line feels much improved.
DeVante Parker bruises his sternum in the third quarter and sits out the rest of the game, and Grant tears his shoulder in garbage time and is out for four weeks. Luckily we're paying 10 million dollars for a quality backup slot receiver.
Week 2 (vs Buffalo Bills)
Wilkins returns! Hopefully he elevates his play in his second season.
Parker leaves with bruised ribs near the end of Miami's first drive. He returns to the field later in the game but it's becoming a bit of a concerning trend.
Fast forward to the fourth quarter. Carl marches up the field, and for once a Miami quarterback leads a fourth quarter drive that ends in a touchdown for the Dolphins. Unfortunately, it left too much time on the clock, and Josh Allen answers with a touchdown of his own. Carl gets the ball back with 1:12 left, and nearly manages to get into field goal range before being tragically sacked on fourth down by Yannick Ngakoue of all people (who rejected our contract offer in free agency).
Week 3 (vs New England Patriots)
The Brady era is over, the Brock Osweiler era has begun. Yes, really.
David Moore limps off field with a foot fracture in the 3rd, and team doctors report he's out for six weeks. Our receivers are dropping like flies.
Kalen Ballage busts off a 99 yard touchdown run in the 4th quarter LOL.
The Dolphins hold on for their first win of the season.
Week 4 (vs Arizona Cardinals)
Miami stays at home to host the 3-0 Arizona Cardinals.
Ty Montgomery is looking like the steal of free agency, as Coach Rustle has been using him all over the field to great effect, and he finishes the day with 5 rushes for 35 yards and touchdown to go with 7 catches for 108 yards, including 48 yards on a wheel route and a one-handed grab over the middle while smothered by a defender.
Carl leads another 4th quarter comeback TD, and this time it stands as the final score of the game. He's been so-so statistically so far, but ice runs through his veins.
Week 5 (@ New England Patriots)
Jakeem Grant returns from injury, and he scores a 37 yard TD off a jet sweep on the first drive. Carl looks like he's really coming into his own as he carves up the New England defense like a holiday ham, and the game quickly turns into a slaughter. Montgomery looks like a galaxy brain signing and is a league-winning waiver wire pickup in PPR leagues. Practically everyone had written off this guy, but not GM Rustle! And Coach Rustle has shown a remarkable ability to work with the players GM Rustle provides him. The jump in quality in offensive line is very noticeable, although holding penalties have been a problem in this game.
The offensive gravy train slows down in the third quarter, and the New England Osweilers begin to slowly chip away at Miami's lead, turning a 21-3 halftime deficit into a 21-18 affair by the end of the third. Jakeem Grant continues to make his return a big day, and he answers by catching a wide open 8 yard in route and darting to the outside for a 75 yard sprint to the end zone, and the Dolphins keep control of the game.
Carl's height is mildly concerning, there are a lot more batted balls than I ever remember with 6'4 Rosen. His ability to scramble and throw on the run is much appreciated, though.
Fans were worried after the 0-2 start, but the Dolphins are on a roll, above .500, and the offense looks to be turning a new leaf. Then again, two of those wins were beating up on the hapless Patriots, weak division smh. Then again, that's already more wins than last year and the division is wide open.
Week 6 bye.
Week 7 (@ Seattle Seahawks)
Fans were looking forward to another strong showing after a week of rest, but it turns out that Russell Wilson is a tougher opponent than a gigantic lobster.
On the plus side, Ty Montgomery the Swiss Army knife continues his reign of terror on the rest of the league (5 catches for 114 yards and a TD on the day), taking a simple checkdown over the middle 48 yards to the house. Lamar Miller is tearing the Hawks defense apart on the ground on limited touches. The score at the half: Dolphins 14, Russell 21.
Miami comes out of the half running it down Seattle's throat with Miller, and Ballage contributes a ten yard scamper of his own when Miller takes a breather. Then Miller gets stuffed on first down, Darren Waller drops a 30 yard pass when a safety tackles him, and Carl's accuracy is off on 3rd down. Fairbairn booms in a 57 yard field goal to make it 17-21, then Seattle answers back with a TD. Geoff Grinkle's defense clearly has no answer for Russ.
On the next drive Carl is hit as he throws and fumbles, the Seahawks recover and quickly score another TD, and the Dolphins never recover. Wilson and Chris Carson keep a stranglehold on the clock and embarrass the defense. Carl has his worst game of the season, finishing 16/30 for 250 yards, 1 TD, 2 INTs, and 7 sacks.
Week 8 (@ New York Jets)
Rannell Coffee makes his NFL debut in New York. Linebacker Raekwon McMillan continues to impress and is re-signed for 3 years / $17.3M.
The crash back down to reality after the winning streak continues, as the offense struggles to sustain drives and God Emperor Quarterback of the United States Sam Darnold goes on a rampage against the defense.
It's not all bad. There's a big play from -- guess who -- Montgomery who gets open on a corner route, breaks a tackle, and gets 48 yards on the play before going down. There's something about Montgomery and the number 48. A few nice throws from Carl secures a touchdown before the half to keep the game from spiraling out of control.
In the second half, the game spirals out of control. Joe Anderson makes his first catch of the season, turning a short pass over the middle into a 14 yard gain. Miami flickers back to life in garbage time, but it's too little too late.
Texans are 6-2
The Dolphins have the 16th ranked offense and 20th defense by yards, and come 15th in points scored and 31st in points allowed. League average offense and a bad defense, but our team isn't hopeless and the division is $#@!. A more consistent offense and a defense that stops leaking quite so many points could win the division and send the Dolphins to the playoffs just one year after the 2-14 nightmare. Could even make the playoffs with a losing record at this rate.
QB Carl Enderle - 175/252 (69%) for 1,994 yards (7.9 y/a). 10 TDs, 6 INTs. 3 fumbles, 16 sacks. Hard to tell how Rosen would have done with the new weapons and upgraded line, but probably reasonably similarly tbh (Carl is an unquestionably better scrambler, though).
HB Ty Montgomery - 31 rushes for 171 yards (5.5 avg), 2 TDs. 36 catches for 501 yards (13.9 avg) and 3 TDs.
TE Darren Waller - 35 catches for 355 yards (10.1 avg).
Waller is flawed but his athleticism elevates him above Gesicki, and Jarwin is 90% the receiver Gesicki is and ten times the blocker, so he's hardly seen the field this season.
Our two leading receivers are a running back and tight end, though this is at least partially due to injuries to our top three receivers.
Rookie Devin Haynes and sophomore Christian Wilkins unfortunately still have the same number of sacks now as they did after week 5, and seem to have cooled off after their hot starts. Godchaux's Pro Bowl season is looking to be a fluke, as predicted.
QB Carson Wentz leads the MVP race, but Trubisky is hot on his heels looking to repeat. Bruce Arians leading the Coach of the Year discussion after captaining the Bucs to a shocking 7-1 start. Carl leads the AFC Offensive Rookie of the Year race, with Haynes leading AFC DROY. Hooray!
NEXT: Weeks 9-13
For a sneak peek at the upcoming season, here are some DeVante Parker highlights from preseason:
don't discuss subs etc
the CPU keeps going for idiotic fake field goals when I sim, so I guess that experiment is over with.