This has been sitting in a draft folder since February of this year. But no longer! Let us unite in our shared love of music and something something give me songs y’all know the drill.
Before we begin, hi, I'm tsp/teaspoon, you've probably seen me around, if you haven't that's okay.
My tastes: I like good music. For songs with lyrics, I think the lyrics are the most important part of the composition, and am willing to overlook mediocrities in arrangement for a well-written song. As far as arrangement goes, anything more clever probably will catch my ear more, but something standard will beat out something that’s bad.
That said, if you want to try to appeal to my genre sensibilities, I'm not going to pretend they don't exist, so a rough layout is below.
1. Nutella says, and I quote “he just has boomer taste”. So, idk. Sub boomer songs. I’m 19 smh.
2. I’m a music student and a pianist so if you want to cheat sub like rzewski
Genre break down:
Probably gonna do well: Country (good), Folk, Romantic/Modern Art Music, pre-1980 Rock, Rock & Roll, Gospel, Classic R&B, Hip-Hop, Jazz (Free, Bebop, Fusion, Vocal), Theatre Kid Stuff (not cringe), Post-Rock/Instrumental Rock, Soul, Singer-Songwriter stuff if they’re good at writing, Funk
Be careful: Baroque/Classical, Pop, other instrumentals (VGM, Film music), Psychedelic stuff, Jazz (Dixieland, Cool, Ragtime), Punk, Prog, Indie Rock, CCM, Metal (decent vocals)
I mean it’s up to you this is just a game: Country (bad), Bon Jovi songs that aren’t one of the three good ones, Those three Bon Jovi songs, Alt Rock, anything that sounds like the composer is actively trying to annoy me, singer-songwriter stuff if they’re bad at writing, Pierre Boulez, Gregorian Chant, anything that makes my ears hurt too much, Theatre Kid Stuff (cringe)
Scoring: I will be utilizing the marmot scoring system standardized to a 10 point scale.
6 points will be granted based on my opinion of the song in itself. Even if a song is a complete cat fail, it is eligible to these six points just as any other song. Being new to this walrus business, I’m not really sure how this will go, so I can't really present a standardized view for this yet. But
3 points will be granted based on category fit. This is subjective, but reasonably 1 point will be granted if the song is a stretch in my mind, 2 points will be granted if the song is a normal cat fit, 3 points will be granted if the song fits the category in multiple ways (perhaps both musically and lyrically) or if I find it to be very good idk.
1 point will be granted if the song is a song that I do not have on my iPod that I end up putting on my iPod. This is slightly different from the “song I’ve heard before” qualification in two ways. 1) I have to like the song enough to put it on my iPod, and 2) if it’s like an album cut I’ve heard once or even a few times but never gotten into you don’t get docked on the unfortunate coincidence that I’ve happened to stumble across it. If you sub literally the most obvious thing that can possibly come to your mind and it’s too good for me to dock it elsewhere, you might get a bonus negative point instead.
There will be no podium bonuses.
Submission Guidelines: There are 10 categories below. You are only obligated to sub 8 songs, but you may sub up to 10. If you sub all 10, then the lowest score will be dropped and then the median score will be dropped. So basically, if you have a full set of ten and at least two are duds, drop the two duds, but if you have one or fewer duds, then sub the full ten.
Please submit semi-anonymously as usual, and I would prefer spotify links actually but I don't care that much. You can submit via syndicate PM, MU PM, discord DM, or fax. Alt/multiple subs are fine.
Additionally, if you submit a themed set of subs, you are eligible for a one point bonus at the end of the walrus. Don't force it, it's not a big prize. Just a shoutout to the people who like to do that stuff.
As a general note, if you think that your song requires some amount of explanation for cat fit, send it along. I won’t penalize you. I have included this reminder a few times below, but it’s true throughout.
) Tsp boomer
) scored out of 10
) sub 8 or 10 songs
1. To New Beginnings...
I want a song that started something. It can be a track that was seminal in a genre or made an artist famous or marked a transition point, or a track that crossed over into modern culture in a new way, or simply an album opener, or whatever you come up with. If it requires explanation, feel free to send that along — I might not know what you have in mind if you go for this route; you won’t be penalized. Or more broadly it can be a song about beginning, a song about birth or change or something that signifies something new.
Love’s In Need of Love Today - Stevie Wonder (5/1.5/0)
Like A Rolling Stone - Bob Dylan (6/3/-1)
A Night In Tunisia (1946 Recording) - Dizzy Gillespie (4.5/2/1)
2. Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One:
I want a cover of an instrumental piece. Not an instrumental cover of a Taylor Swift song or whatever, but specifically a cover of an originally instrumental piece, something that changes the style or arrangement of the original. Classical or modern, soundtrack or symphony, it’s up to you, as long as the original song is an instrumental. (The cover does not have to be.) I suspect that this will be a difficult category, but I’ve given a few examples below that might get you thinking.
Pictures at an Exhibition - ELP (3.5/2/0)
Birdland - Manhattan Transfer (4.5/2.5/1)
Thomas The Tank Engine Theme - insaneintherain (4.5/3/0)
Jessica - The Infamous Stringdusters (4.5/1.5/1)
3. Gimme that old time religion:
I want a spiritual or religious song, or a song influenced by those concepts or styles. (This is the time to sub Veggietales if you are so inclined.) I’ll be broad on cat fit here, so don’t feel trapped into CCM or anything you don’t like listening to. If you’re so inclined, think of this as a request for a song that’s uplifting rather than purely religious. Bonus points for more eclectic stuff here, probably the only thing you shouldn’t sub is straight up christian contemporary.
For Unto Us A Child Is Born - A Lot of People (4.5/2.5/0)
He Reigns / Awesome God - Kirk Franklin (5.5/3/0)
Jesus Walks - Kanye West (5/1.5/0)
4. Christmas in July
I’d like the worst Christmas song. But when I say worst, I don’t mean overplayed and trite, I mean something that I can ironically enjoy, a kitschy Christmas song. Something that’s more laughable than bad. Something that’s fun above anything else. Alternatively, just send me a good Christmas song. It probably can’t hurt. Quality scale becomes even more arbitrary than it was before.
Last Christmas - Wham! (2/1/0)
Jingle Bells Punk Rock Version - William Shatner (5/2.5/1)
Must Be Santa - Nobel Prize Winner Bob Dylan (6/3/1)
5. Baby You Can’t Drive My Car
I’d like a good driving song. What this means is up to you, it can be a literal car song, or something that’s good to sing along with, or something that simply evokes images of driving on back roads at night, maybe coming home after having been away for a long time.
I’m cheating on my example subs and going for the most obvious things possible:
Baby Driver - Simon & Garfunkel (3.5/2/0)
Mercedes Benz - Janis Joplin (5/1.5/0)
Our Song - Taylor Swift (reminder that this is a tsp walrus) (4/2.5/0)
6. Free Space:
Submit whatever song you’d like, something that’s been meaningful to you for some reason in the past year or the past lifetime. Feel free to submit a note, but this cat will be judged with 9 points to the song and zero for cat fit so don’t worry too much.
7. Time For Art Class
Below is an 1870 painting by French modernist Édouard Manet:
Go for it.
If you’re looking for information, here’s the wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Effect...etit-Montrouge
Feel free to include a note about your submission if you wish to expound upon the connection.
8. Sad Boy Hours
They say that teenage boys need to learn to share their emotions. Thus, send me something that makes me cry. There are three ways to go with this. 1) send me something beautiful, 2) send me something sad, 3) send me something absolutely awful. How you wish to proceed is up to you. If you sub me something absolutely awful, just this once, I’ll be willing to be a little nice on the quality scoring.
Sam Stone - John Prine (6/3/0)
Everybody Hurts - REM (3.5/1.5/-.5)
Green, Green Grass of Home - Johnny Cash (4.5/2/0)
9. Happy Boy Days
I have a playlist for songs that make me want to dance around my room, send me something for that! Uh, not much more than that. Send me songs that might make me trip over a piano bench while I’m pretending to be on stage, air microphone in hand with an air guitar strapped around my neck. You could also submit a song that’s bound to put me in a good mood, though these two categories have heavy overlap.
Never Been To Spain - Elvis Presley (4.5/2.5/0)
Great Balls of Fire - Jerry Lee Lewis (5/2/0)
In The Navy - Village People (3.5/2.5/1)
10. The Final Chapter:
Similarly to the first, give me a song that signaled an end of something. What that is, I can’t say. It can be a song commemorating days gone by or a song that ends an album or a song about death or about moving on from something. IDK, just close it strong.
American Pie - Don McLean (5.5/2/0)
Look What You Made Me Do - T Swizzle (6.5/3/1) (not really) (don’t sub this)
You Can’t Always Get What You Want - The Rolling Stones (4.5/2/0)
I will be accepting subs until August 9.
If you have any questions, you can ask here or dm me. I probably made several errors in this post and if so, whoops.