vain walrus v2: return of the long-$%#! write-ups

[vanity.]

10th place: lordquas

maximalist by baths

this is a pretty cool… well idk what type of instrumental this is lol. but what i do know is that it’s very bubbly, very vibe-y, but it’s also fairly strange. there are these vocal snippets that are placed underneath the leading synths that leads to a pretty surreal feel. though that’s… not the only trick this song has. it has a lot of subtle loops as well that results in some fairly interesting sounds and textures. a lot of these other vocal samples are pretty ear-grabbing as well? “takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence”? it gives a track a decently nice flavor. in fact, if there’s one thing i cannot ding this instrumental on, it’s flavor. i really like that sad and twinkly guitar melody that leads the song into its finish.

i do think the sounds and ideas here are really interesting, but what i think this lacks for me is staying power. i kinda feel like when the track hits the ending, it feels like there’s a bit of lost potential, at least for me? it’s just a weird moment in the song for it to transition into that outro is all i’m saying. that also sorta makes the track feel a bit briefer than i would like. this might also be a strange criticism, but i kinda feel like the way this is, it’s hard for me to get a grip on what mood it’s really trying to evoke? which is weird for something that is this colorful. but it’s not really overly cartoony or stimulating or… i’m not really sure how to explain it. when i listen to it, i’m kinda wondering “why?” since it was subbed to this cat, i’d have to guess it’s trying to capture some sort of euphoria or comfort or heavenly atmosphere. my problem is that it just doesn’t evoke those things or anything i can really think of for me personally.

i mean… what a tricky song lol. i definitely like this and i think there are unique characteristics about this, but i can’t really find a way for it to speak with me. maybe it’ll happen with me over time. but i definitely get the sense rn that i am robbing this lmao. i still really like this though. i feel like it works better when i’m not thinking about it as hard.

7.8

[vanity.]

9th place: kane

the sunset valley by masayoshi takanaka

am i listening to proto daft punk? rad. the daft punk-esque robot vocals, the groovy bass and guitar lines just make for a great foundation of this. i mean, there’s a lot of styles going into this. there’s funk, lounge, dance, rock, and probably another genre i missed in there. regardless, i love how seamlessly it’s all brought together. plus, robot vocals are something that i am very much a sucker for lol. those guitar solos that show up are super cool as well. i just find it really easy to admire everything that’s going into it. the tune is pretty damn sharp too. it’s just a good song lol.

i will say that the more lounge and easygoing aspects of this are maybe not completely up my alley, but they do add a nice flavor to everything else that’s going on. while i do think the cat fit is hit pretty well too, there is something about this that does feel a little… idk how to say it. like the opening narration particularly feels really cheesy to me. though i mean, overall, it’s really good, it’s a great cat fit, and i love the styles going into it. just a really enjoyable track tbh. i mean, it is silly like the vulfpeck track, and there are artistic parallels between the two, but i guess i just found this more interesting and easier to enjoy past just its novelty.

8.0

[vanity.]

8th place: bloodyrain10001

だんご大家族 from the clannad ost

god damn it.

i mean, well played lmao. who knew that when i mentioned an anime in the original description, that i would receive a song from an anime. and not only that, maybe one of the most instantly memorable and charming ones at that. i don’t even think i had watched clannad before i had actually heard this for the first time, which is… i don’t really remember when that was lol. but i’ve definitely been aware of this song for a while, and didn’t really realize how much i actually loved it until receiving it here. there’s something about that melody that’s not only heartwarming and cute, but also incredibly depressing and emotive.

though i am sort of at a lost for what i’m supposed to praise about this. i mean, yes it’s great, but do i really need to explain why? i mean, i love the cute vocals that emote that melodies perfectly, i love the piano, i love the mallets that add a necessary flavor to the vocals to give it that innocent vibe, and also the rest of the various effects that captures the overall vibe really well. it just speaks to this song’s immediacy and potency that it alone can create such a colorful and sweet world of cute blobs and general peace. who knew that dango daikazoku could create world peace. well, i’m sure it would if every person on the planet listens to it, so hopefully there’s plenty of people in the vc that can sing along and promote general peace in the world!

though, uh. this was higher than this initially, but it sorta just got… edged out by the competition. i still really love it! but, uh. i guess it just didn’t hold its own. it’s just a bit more niche and novel than everything above it, you know?

8.5

[vanity.]

7th place: tangrowth

blink by hiroshi yoshimura

oh my. initially i thought i was unfamiliar with this artist, but it turns out i actually have heard songs from this guy in certain walrus reveals. apparently past me vibed with that song. as for this one, i definitely get why it was subbed to this cat, but… geez. admittedly, this wasn’t the vibe i was looking for. because this isn’t upbeat or cheery; it’s quite downbeat. to me anyways. it’s mostly glistening synthesizers and the occasional bass tone. but like, describing the sound palette of the song isn’t going to be particularly helpful in this instance. instead, what’s important is… mostly the vibe, but also the melodies.

i can’t say the song is particularly dynamic or really has that much in terms of progression, but i don’t think it’s really trying to do that. it’s purely a mood piece. and as a mood piece, i find it extremely effective. it reminds me of winged victory for the sullen in that respect, as what i really value from that group’s music is the ability to use minimalism to create just… devastating sadness. and that applies to this too. i mean, i do usually prefer my ambient music to be more compelling texturally, compared to the honestly basic sound palette that is presented here. it’s like, minimalistic in both texture and songwriting. maybe that’s the point though? regardless, this is… an extremely sad lullaby. maybe it could be effective sleeping music, but i feel like it’s emotion rings too powerfully to be one.

to me, this represents some sort of powerful event that would happen in someone’s life. something like child birth, for example. like, you have life in your hands, and that overjoys you… but at the same time, there’s a lot of things that come with it. anxiety towards how your life will be forever changed by the existence of this life, sadness about the hardships it will inevitably face, and the most tragic truth of them all, how you will likely one day leave it behind. and there is something profound about having to leave behind something you love. which is also deeply devastating. and maybe that can be seen more broadly too? geez, this is apart of why i love ambient music so much. the amount of interpretations of it is as vast of the endless, starry sky you might gaze into at night.

uh, that was quite the tangent. anyways, i enjoy this.

8.6

[vanity.]

6th place: newcomb

soldier, poet, king by the oh hellos

i think before, i only really knew of this group in name only? apparently i’ve been living under a rock though, given how many views this has lmao. i definitely get this, though. there’s an undeniable stomp to the instrumental here, and the vocals are well performed. in a way, this sorta feels like a traditional folk song? if it isn’t, it definitely does a good job capturing that feel. though, sometimes these sorta songs have a tough time really hooking me in. the end of the song almost makes me feel like i’m listening to some gargantuan folk rock tune, which i really like that edge. also, you will know every single word after listening to this only once.

it’s hard for me to really criticize this song. it doesn’t really hit me emotionally or physically in a way that i know i’ll be obsessed with it, but it’s done super super well. maybe the reason for that is because i’m not as much into a lot of folk music as some other people lmao. i really like the folk rock edge to the song, i think it’s well written, i think it’s well produced, and it’s pretty memorable. am i like, head over heels for it? i mean, god i’m actually so close. it really is just impossible to not sing along to this. it has that strength that a lot of traditional folk songs have that they’re unbelievably catchy.

8.8

[vanity.]

5th place: visorslash

1999 by charli xcx and troye sivan

croggers. anyways, i do like some of charli’s songs, though i’m not really familiar with her newer stuff. most of the charli songs i’m familiar with are top 40 stuff lol. songs like boom clap and i don’t care, which i do really like the former song. but i do know that since then, she’s sorta become music hipsters’ favorite pop artist since carly rae jepsen, thanks to collaborating with a lot of producers from pc music to make some of the bangeriest pop bangers out there. and this is certainly a pop banger. tbh, some of the pop culture references in this song go over better than they have any right to. like, that “hit me baby one more time” should be way more cringe. but instead, it kinda goes hard tbh.

i think the personality of both charli and troye sivan also really shines through on this track, though charli has always had a gift for having a really bold personality in songs. i mean, it is a little shallow and simple, but sometimes that’s good enough to make a really special pop song! plus, the production on this song is bumpin. the bass and drums are just really fun, and it does a really good job of just making you feel like you actually want to be back in 1999… even though this song’s production feels very modern. i think charli does outshine troye sivan on this song, but he definitely holds his own during his own moments. by no means does he ruin the song, and he does feel like a vital aspect to making this work. though uh, he knows that michael jackson was more so an 80’s artists, right? though that’s really nitpicky lol. even the cat fit makes sense, given this is a song all about wanting to go back to simpler and nicer times.

anyways, it’s just a really fun pop song that i’m sure i’m going to continue enjoying for years to come. though, it doesn’t feel like something i can just always put on and enjoy. anyways, hit me baby one more time!

8.9

[vanity.]

4th place: syn

melt by jones

dang, this has quite a bit going for it. the instrumental is very subdued, but it has this nice funky groove to it that blossoms nicely when it transitions into that chorus. that bass and the quiet guitars are really lovely. speaking of the chorus, i really like how catchy and immediate it is. this is just a well written song tbh. the vocals are very well performed too! they’re definitely not the most distinct vocals out there, but they’re strong enough to get the job done and to sell the song.

i do think there is a pristine quality to this as well that makes the cat fit feel tangible. while i do enjoy the hell out of this, i do feel like there are certain parts where i do think maybe the song could do a bit more or be slightly more bold. i don’t think the bridge in particular is very strong on this song. to me, it just feels like it exists to pad out the track length. however, on the whole, the song has, at worse, above average songwriting for a pop song. it’s just an incredibly enjoyable pop song, though maybe not one of my absolute favorite pop songs. i’m sorta surprised she never really took off in the pop realm, because this is great and definitely a cut above a lot of other pop singers.

also, this song gets better with every listen lol. like, i knew this was good, but it’s so easy for me to get immersed in this i think it deserves to be in my personal favorites for this cat. it won me over i guess lol.

9.0 + 0.5

[vanity.]

3rd place: shad

風になる (acoustic version) by ayano tsuji

alright, what do we have here? apparently, this song originates from a japanese movie called neko no ongaeshi, or otherwise known as the cat returns in english. it’s a ghibli studio movie too! which means there’s a decent chance it’s quality, though it’s not a miyazaki film. regardless of where this is from, dang this is a pretty nice tune. when it comes to anime-based songs, they’re usually pretty hit or miss for me, usually because either the sound is really basic or the tune just doesn’t do much for me. but tsuji-sama has a nice voice that’s great for this type of instrumental. the guitar tones in particular really nostalgic in a way that i love.

the strings and other additional instrumentation that comes in, but never overpowers tsuji-sama’s voice. usually ukelele tracks are not really my thing, but i think the two reasons this really resonates with me is that the tune is great, and there’s a lot more instrumentation to support what’s going on here, rather than this just being a stripped back ukelele ballad. it gives the track a ton of flavor. it almost feels sorta triumphant? it’s joyous at minimum. i guess the only complaints i can really give is that tsuji-sama’s voice isn’t the most distinct out there, and i definitely have other songs in this same vein that i slightly prefer. i’m mostly referring to the ending song of the first season of kimi ni todoke, which is just gorgeous and has incredibly distinct vocals. but i can’t deny that you nailed it here. fantastic sub.

9.1 + 0.5

[vanity.]

2nd place: schiavetto

a call from my dream by meaningful stone

funnily enough, i subbed a song from this same album to another walrus. but that song is definitely a lot more upbeat than this one, and it’s not as though i’m super familiar with the album this comes off of. i mean, sometimes i just search for songs and if i think it’s good and fits what i need it to fit, i’ll sub it. anyways, back to this, this is really pleasant and sweet. i will say that these vocals definitely are not the most distinct or impressive out there, especially as far as korean pop adjacent music goes, but they fit the atmosphere really well. the instrumental is also like, really really nice. the guitar and bass are really warm and welcoming, the drums are slick and organic, and the synths sell this really dreamy atmosphere. that brief guitar solo is sorta magical tbh; i wish it went on longer.

i guess the only thing that sorta bugs me about this is that it really isn’t anything that revolutionary as far as this style goes. this sort of indie pop/dream pop type of thing is like, all over the place nowadays it feels. but it is really nice when you get something that is this well written and well produced. also, that chorus is like, lowkey killer tbh. it took a while for me to warm up to it, but it’s just so… satisfying, i guess? in fact, i almost kinda wish this was longer lol.

you know, i kinda love the hell out of this, the more i listen to it lol. i guess i am a bit of a sucker for this type of indie pop. but it turns out that the writing and production are fantastic. and that guitar solo is like, probably the best 15 seconds of any song i’ll get out of this cat. oh, and the buildup to that guitar solo is also unbelievably beatific.

9.4 + 0.5

[vanity.]

1st place: marcher jovian

satellite song by akino arai

whoa whoa whoa, hold the phone. what the $%#! is this? this is like, probably the most creative song that was subbed to this cat. apparently this was released in 2001? which is kinda mindblowing, given how simultaneously obscure and forward thinking this is? okay, i guess i should hit the brakes. it’s fusing a pop song structure with some folky guitars and sputtering electronics. so for all intents and purposes, this falls somewhere around the folktronica and art pop vicinity. but a lot of the biggest albums in folktronica came after this album? like rounds by four tet, which is one of my all-time favorites, as well as the múm album much earlier in the reveal. and that wouldn’t really matter to me if i thought the song and instrumental weren’t great. but, uh, they are?

the percussion has this kinda “untz untz untz” rhythm, which should sound incredibly tacky in this mix, but it kinda perfectly adds to the very bizarre atmosphere of the song. but the guitars and vocals make this feel grounded in reality, even with that? i feel like the oddity of this song is like, beautifully subtle. i can’t say her vocals are the most distinct out there, but what she lacks in vocal uniqueness, she makes up for in dynamics. her voice just shifts gorgeously whenever the song calls for it. it’s like her voice is just another instrument in the mix, which i really really dig. and i freaking looooove how the strings are used here. they’re not wallpaper or anything, they’re actively assisting with the rest of the instrumentation, at times soaring over the mix. like, it feels like this shouldn’t be working at all. but it just… sorta does, i can’t really explain it. everything doesn’t feel like it should fit together so seamlessly, but it does. it also helps that this… oddly sounds sorta timeless? which is weird for something that has been this overlooked, but i feel like this could’ve come out today and still feel fresh.

oh, and i think the chorus is super catchy too. i mean, i don’t have much else to say other than… what a gorgeous song.

9.5 + 0.5

[vanity.]

cat 3 recap:



scores going into cat 4:



it's finally done... woo! happy to get progress on this thing again.

i'm going to try and get cat 4 reveal to be some point in march, at the latest april. we'll see how that goes. there aren't a lot of people that still have incomplete subs to me, but something something please try to get a complete sub to me soon for the sake of my sanity. i'm no longer accommodating or waiting for people. so if you get dq'd, then i'm sorry but that's how it is. doesn't really feel fair to the folks that have had a complete sub into me for like, a year, but i've learned my lesson from this system i set up.

[vanity.]

@Ampharos
@Bloobird
@BLOODYRAIN10001
@Fatmo
@Frog
@hollowkatt
@Kane
@KarmaDope
@ladd
@LordQuas
@Marcher Jovian
@Mischief
@Mistyx
@MyNameIsNothing
@Newcomb
@nutella
@Owner Of A Lonely Heart
@ploonet
@PunchyTheCat
@Roman
@roro__b
@Schiavetto
@SchizoAffected
@Shad
@shubaka17
@soah
@staypositivefriend
@Syn
@Tangrowth
@Visorslash

cat 4 reveal will occur on thursday, march 2nd at 4 pm est.

reveal should be just under 2 hours long.

[Mischief]

Hype!

[vanity.]

cat 4

this… is actually a song that i’ve discovered extremely recently relative to the other headers. thank project sekai for that lol. i sure am not a fan of vocaloids, right? joking aside, i’m a massive sucker for fast and energetic rock songs that have gargantuan hooks, and yeah this definitely fits the bill. admittedly, flower is not my favorite vocaloid, as i find her vocals to be slightly unintelligible and grating, but that doesn’t really deter from the fact that this song just $%#!ing rules. i love the bouncy synthline that kicks the song off, i love a lot of the meager instrumentation during the verses; especially that guitar lead that comes up, and i mean, most of all. come on, that hook is just unbelievably killer. also, oddly enough, despite the fact that i said that i’m not really a fan of flower’s vocals, i think her vocals sorta fit perfectly in this type of song? i’ve heard versions of this song using vocaloids that i consistently like more, but this version is still my favorite.

i also love the lyrics that are all about being stuck in a perpetual cycle of inertia, waiting for that one moment where you finally break out of that cycle to experience the moments in life that you crave. this is a song topic that i’m sorta just a sucker for, as i just relate to it so intensely, but i feel like the lyrics also sorta work for the cat insanely well? i mean, that’s sorta the appeal of working out, right? to try and change who you are, whether that be physically and mentally; breaking out of that cycle of inertia, and coming out the other side as a better person. it also helps that the song is just a pure shot of adrenaline lol. fantastic song.

9.7

[vanity.]

cat 4 skips:

Fatmo
Kane
Marcher Jovian
nutella
ploonet
Schiavetto

[vanity.]

26th place: ladd

shallow bay by breaking benjamin

okay, i have to admit, getting subbed breaking benjamin was one of the last things that i expected to happen, but i do find it very funny. so good on you! but i have to ask, did benjamin burnley’s vocals always sound this goofy? like for some reason, when he says “i don’t think you want to $%#! with me”, i can’t help but snicker. like, i’ll begrudgingly admit that when i was much younger, i listened to a decent amount of breaking benjamin, but i sorta moved on from them as i got older and discovered, uh, other music. but like, i don’t remember his vocals sounding like this for some reason. like, who would want to actually sound like this while singing? it sounds muffled, or like he’s not even trying. it’s just weird, because i thought he was one of the better alt metal singers of this era… not like that’s saying much when your contemporaries are three days grace and hinder.

the instrumental is also just incredibly watered down and generic alt metal. like, i’m sorry but i feel like listening to this is a disservice when i could listen to tool or faith no more or system of a down, or hell even chevelle outclasses these guys. it’s just not that interesting and feels like it’s aged very poorly. i guess the string heavy ending is okay, but i feel like the only people that are impressed by this have literally never heard an outro with strings in their life. like, listen to the outro of one more robot/symphony 3000-21 by the flaming lips, or like starset. and i haven’t even listened to starset in years and don’t care about them anymore! and does the string outro even feel deserved or make sense after this incredibly banal alt metal song? the only other thing i thought was nice in the song was the interlude before the final chorus, and that was pretty much just because of the fast hi-hats.

look, what i’m trying to say is that i’ve moved past the need for breaking benjamin. i don’t feel any nostalgic enjoyment listening to them, and they are heavily outclassed in my book. and it doesn’t help that the vocals sound awful for some reason. also, if you were going to sub breaking benjamin, was there really no better thing to sub than this?

3.7

[vanity.]

25th place: hollowkatt

after the flesh by my life with the thrill kill kult

i vaguely remember listening to this song randomly at some point during this walrus, before i judged this cat. i remember not liking this at all. um, looking back at this now, i do get why. i sorta like that nine inch nails-esque guitar riff, as well as that bassline, but um. this overall is sort of a mess. and maybe the chaoticness of this is the charm, but i feel like that the way everything is mixing together here is not an appealing type of chaotic for me. it’s hard to explain why, but i guess i’ll give it my best.

it does have a sorta goth edge that is cool, but i don’t know, the vocals and that weird searing background sound in the mix… i can’t even describe what it is, it makes this less overwhelming and more grating. and even though the song is undeniably energetic, the strong amount of effects on the vocals make this sound like less catchy and more all over the place. i guess that “after the flesh” hook is fairly audible. but like, my biggest issue with this is that all of the sounds don’t really come together into something enjoyable for me. though, more than anything else, i just get the sense that this… wasn’t mixed or recorded well? the spoken word insertions that feel way off balance with the rest of the mix don’t help either.

idk, i just get the sense that there is something about this that… isn’t coming together right. it doesn’t really help that the guitar riff and bassline wear out their welcome by the song’s conclusion. i’m not sure i’m at the point where i hate the song, but this is really grating and messy, and not in the right way. idk, it might just not be my thing. more than anything else, i’m just… confused lol. i just feel like there’s something about this that’s profoundly off. the only reason this isn’t last is because of the energy, though admittedly even that i feel works against this more than it does for it.

3.8

[vanity.]

24th place: syn

spitfire by the prodigy

hey, it’s the prodigy. i have respect for these guys for sure, and i’m aware that one of their pivotal members passed away recently. rip keith flint. regarding this, uh. it sure is loud. and repetitive. and that’s about it, really! i mean, there’s a loud singular guitar chord, a steady drum beat, some additional synths, some occasional and meandering feminine vocals, and the punky lead vocals. i guess on paper, i should like the vocals, as well the instrumental that sounds like i might hear it blaring out of some guy’s truck. key phrase being “on paper”.

but… i’m starting to feel like a broken record at this point. there really isn’t much to this. this is so repetitive that even saying it has parts is kind of inaccurate. it has that one “hook” and it sorta just… repeats itself. i mean, i guess there are other parts where the synths take a more prominent role. but these synths are like, not that interesting? the most interesting one is the one playing 16th notes occasionally, and even that is sorta obscure and buried underneath the guitar chords and the drums. i feel like i’m listening to the musical equivalent of an automated factory. sure, things are moving and stuff is getting done, but it’s so redundant and soulless that it just becomes mind numbing to spectate it. hell, the single mix changes the song to be 3 minutes and change. that was an incredibly smart decision, because i got the point after a minute and a half of this, let alone the 5 minutes the song totals. and yes, the person that subbed this purposely subbed the 5 minute version.

i guess the aggression of it appeals to me, but it’s just so redundant that it becomes tedious. and trust me, i’ve recently learned how much tedium gets on my nerves in songs. i don’t care for this.

4.0

[vanity.]

23rd place: karmadope

here come the infidels by stuck mojo

hmmmm. well, rap metal probably was a risky genre to sub, but i get why you subbed this here. the riffs are pretty fast, and there’s an undeniable energy to this. it’s borderline that i’m listening to rapped vocals over a thrash metal instrumental. that only lets up during the chorus, which uh. yeah i’m gonna have to start giving opinions huh. for one, i find the rapper on this track really dull. imagine mike patton’s rapped vocals on epic, but without the personality and you basically get this guy. additionally, this song has some of my least favorite style of vocals during the chorus, the “scream sung” vocals, which i guess i’ll call them for now. like, think of vocals from like disturbed, or five finger death punch. vocals that have a lot of grit almost as though they’re screaming, but have a melodic edge to them. i honestly can’t really explain why i dislike this style of vocals so much, other than the fact that i just find them grating and oftentimes overdone. also as though they’re trying too hard to sell this sense of machismo?

i guess the instrumental still mostly appeals to me, though. the performance is generally speaking fairly entertaining for me. i feel like some of the screamed vocals should appeal to me as well, but when they pop up they feel oddly forced. not gonna lie, some of these are breaking benjamin tier screams. and given where breaking benjamin landed in this cat, yeah not great. they just seem super fake. i’m not even going to bring up the lyrics of this, which… yeah, also feed into obnoxious machismo for me personally. i feel like this is the type of song that if it were more popular and less crude, that chorus would play all the time during baseball or football games in the southern u.s.a. and if that appeals to you then you should absolutely like this. i think the biggest issue here is that i’m just not really the target audience for this. i mean, there’s such a wealth of things i can listen to if i just want something heavy and badass… which includes songs later in the reveal lol.

though, i actually like this instrumentally enough. it’s not that original, but again, the energy is definitely there. but every other aspect of this doesn’t really appeal to me, so. meh.

4.9

[vanity.]

22nd place: bloodyrain10001

doo doo doo by chalko

uh, you are playing with fire by subbing soundclown. honestly, i should’ve specifically placed soundclown somewhere on the genre spectrum in the op, but since i didn’t have a meme category this time around i didn’t think it would be necessary. at the very least, i’ll give the chalko credit that the song choices are maybe slightly more interesting than maybe your average soundclown song, and there are some vocal manipulations to make it feel as though at least a decent amount of effort and care was put into this. the transitions between each individual section also have a marginal amount of care to them, which i can appreciate. but i can’t help but feel like there is some aspect of the magic that isn’t really here.

i really enjoyed triple double by girl talk from my last walrus, so i’ll cross-reference to try and explain my issues with this. for one, the transitions don’t really feel as clean. with the girl talk track, there was so much attention to detail with the transitions that it was impressive, even if girl talk might be doing less with manipulation of the source material. but i guess my biggest issue is how little rhyme or reason there is for any of this. like, with girl talk, there’s a clear vision on pairing vocals with an instrumental, and i don’t feel that here. and even if i might like the source material more in this song than in the girl talk song, i just feel like stuff is just being paired here because “why not?” and, uh, fair i guess. but these mashups just don’t have that magic spark i guesss. also, like, i feel like with every mash up that happens here, i’ve heard a mashup before with either the vocals or the instrumental. that significantly lowers the amount of novel charm this has. one last note: unfortunately for you, i’m allergic to numb by linkin park, and i find don’t stop believin’ by journey to be one of the most obnoxiously overplayed songs of all-time.

the ending is also really inconclusive. i have no idea if this write-up makes any sense, but i’m just not really into this. i guess there are some interesting things going on, but it might just be a case of this not being my cup of tea. i just didn’t really find it that interesting holistically, and it’s sorta becoming more grating over every subsequent listen.

5.5

[vanity.]

21st place: frog

pepas by farruko

this is certainly a song that you subbed. though, despite the fact that i’m not the target audience for this at all, you still did better than a decent amount of other subs this cat! it does have the sorta signature reggaeton beat, but the buildup isn’t really that bad. the payoff is something i’m… sorta mixed on. while the trumpet is pretty cool when it comes in, it’s interchanged with this synth line that… okay, were you inspired by like crazy frog, or the most obnoxious eurodance of the 90’s? btw, i hate 90’s eurodance with a passion and that probably should’ve been in the “probably don’t submit” tier. honestly, this sounds like less something i’d work out to, and more so something a dj would put on in a club by the request of someone that’s more into this style than i am. with that being said, i don’t really mind the beat that much. i mean, it’s not my cup of tea, but it doesn’t get on my nerves… for the most part.

i mean, that one synthline is probably the biggest blight on the song. like, i get that it’s a dance song, and you want that melody to stick out… but why did you choose something that obnoxious? you had a trumpet already, so why couldn’t you pick some other instrument, like a saxophone? i just don’t really get it. though, for the most part, the energy is fairly palpable. if i got into the lyrics, i could see myself singing along with those gang vocals. though, i don’t think this really needed to be 5 minutes. i got the point after like, 2 minutes of the song.

i mean, it obviously is not my cup of tea, but i’m not really that annoyed by it. i’m more so just shrugging over anything else.

5.7

[vanity.]

20th place: bloobird

sexy results by death from above 1975 (mstrkrft edition)

hm. i do like some death from above 1975 songs, but i wouldn’t have expected a remix like this for this cat necessarily. this still makes a lot of sense though, as it’s fairly upbeat, and has a pretty consistent vibe throughout. i especially like the main riff that this entire song is built off of. some of the other synths are pretty nice, and there’s definitely some nice details in this instrumental. the percussion in particular is what i’m talking about, and i dig that a lot.

though, i guess my biggest issue with this, and something that i find to be a consistent issue with other remixes i come across, is i feel like the instrumental and main vocal line is sorta stretched thin. there’s definitely other things to focus on, but the song doesn’t really do much else with the vocals. they sorta just repeat ad nauseam until the end of the song. and while there’s definitely changes that occur in the instrumental over time, the vocals are the one main static characteristic of the song, and i don’t think that really works for me. the entire song feels like it becomes more milquetoast as it goes along.

it’s a decent remix for sure, but i feel like it’s going to find itself in the same part of my brain as other remixes. it’s nice to put on in the background and mindlessly groove to, but it lacks variation and standout moments to really stick with me.

6.1

[vanity.]

19th place: punchythecat

on sight by kanye west

oh god. sometimes i forget about how long this walrus has gone so far, so uh. yeah kanye west sure is a person that exists, right? anyways, ignoring the elephant in the room, yeah this sure sounds like a skeletal death grips instrumental with kanye west rapping over it. i’m aware that yeezus is a particularly polarizing album in kanye’s discography, as it seems to be split between people that think kanye’s death grips impression was either good or lackluster. as far as where i stand, i do like the aggressive instrumental a decent amount, and the part where it transitions into this strange gospel sample also isn’t that bad, even if it doesn’t really fit with the rest of the song. but at least it’s a cool change of pace to keep the beat from getting stale.

though, i mean, that’s sorta an illusion. the instrumental does sorta glitch out in a cool way at the end of the song, but it’s so skeletal that it gives a lot of room for what kanye is doing. and uh. “we get this $%#! shakin’ like parkinsons”? “black $%#! in your spouse again”? i mean, kanye isn’t the most skill rapper or lyricist out there, but some of these lines are like, really cringey. and that one line where he’s like “how much do i not give a $%#!”? yeah, you do sound like you don’t really give a $%#!. and even if you know these verses are ridiculous, that doesn’t make this enjoyable to listen to. the hook is also nonexistent, and it doesn’t help that this song feels borderline unfinished with its structure. it feels like there should’ve been another piece of the puzzle here, instead of just having that instrumental sputter out at the end. and i kinda feel like the reference to a previous hit song of his, stronger, should work better, but that only reminds me of how that is a much better song than this one.

so i don’t know, the lyrics are sorta laughable and the song structure leaves a lot to be desired. maybe i’m just missing what the crowd that vehemently defends this album sees, but i don’t completely get this. i get the aggression, and the glitchy electronics appeals to me enough to enjoy this to some extent. but i can’t help but get the sense that this is just sorta vapid. i’d just rather listen to death grips, which i feel has more interesting production and more thought provoking lyricism.

though, eh, i actually expected this to sour on me, but the opposite is sorta happening. the beat does go hard, but my prior criticisms stand.

6.3

[vanity.]

18th place: owner of a lonely heart

run you by the qemists

this is. uh. something that exists. it sorta sounds like the lovechild of linkin park and pendulum, especially since the singer just sounds like a british chester bennington. rip. though, i get what this is trying to do. the riff that is the centerpiece of the song definitely appeals to at least some sense urgency. this sounds great for something like cardio. it’s definitely something that feels pretty hype enough to pump me up in the right occasion. and i mean, if i turn my brain off, yeah that riff is pretty awesome.

but i feel like this is one of those cases where the influences of a song are so blatantly obvious to the point where it actively deters from the music. i mean, when i said this was like the lovechild of linkin park and pendulum, i wasn’t kidding. and linkin park is a band i find nearly unlistenable nowadays and pendulum is a band that i only really have nostalgic appreciation for. i also think the track doesn’t really have much to it overall. i mean, there’s only really the part with the vocals, and the part with the riffs. there isn’t really any other section of the song, and if there is it’s not really doing a great job at standing out. and honestly, that causes this song to overstay its welcome for me, especially given how this is 4 and a half minutes. maybe the cat wasn’t necessarily looking for something that dynamic, sure, but the individual parts need to be amazing for me to really be into it, and this doesn’t really reach that level for me personally.

i mean, the riff is still cool and appeals to me in some way. but this is flawed in a way that isn’t particularly subtle.

6.4

[vanity.]

17th place: schizoaffected

deep puddle theme song by deep puddle dynamics

ohhh, nice! i think i heard of this group like, maybe once in passing? i at least recognize the names of slug and doseone. the instrumental has a pretty eerie feel overall, but the hard hitting percussion and the energy of the mc’s make the cat fit make sense. the lyricism is maybe the best aspect of this song; there’s a ton of references towards water in general in this track, but it’s all tied up nicely in the end with the mantra of “life is but a sinking feeling”. doseone probably has the most distinguishable voice here, as it sounds sorta unsettling with him having this flow that kinda messily fuses together singing and rapping. i at least feel like i wouldn’t mistake him for some other rapper. also, the way they constantly pass off lines is really cool too.

though, i will say, i’m not sure how much of a fan i am of the… hook of this song. if it can even be called a hook, it’s basically some of the mc’s on this track doing their own specific hook as they sorta overlap over each other. it’s not really in a “oh my god, so much is going on and it’s overwhelming” kind of way, it’s more so like “it’s hard to really make heads or tails of what’s going on” type of way. but easily the thing that sorta grates on me the most with this song is the outro, where they all repeat that “row row row your boat” nursery rhyme. and i do like the lyrical theme of this section, but the singing is… very rough. and they’re not all singing anyways, some of them are just delivering it in this spoken word way. it’s also purposely out of sync… it’s just not really a flattering way to end the song musically, at least in my opinion.

i definitely like how distinguishable each mc is here, as well as the lyricism and most of the verses, but the hook and outro are not really leaving me a positive impression on me. i feel positive about this overall, but it’s a sorta tricky one to wrestle with personally. idk.

6.8

[vanity.]

16th place: visorslash

bloodline from the hotline miami 2: wrong number ost

this… was not an approach i expected people to take to this cat. this is surprisingly brooding and midtempo. and it’s not like i don’t get it or think it’s out of place. it’s not really what i asked for, but if you want to work out to this, go ahead! but if i had this song and i wanted to sub it somewhere, this wouldn’t be the place i would think to drop it. for something that’s this synth heavy, it’s not really an energetic carpenter brut style piece of synthwave or anything. it feels more like a lead up to something than a payoff. at the very least, i do like the menacing feel of the song, as though i’m staring at a path ahead of me that seems all but impossible. maybe that’s the approach this is taking?

some of those shots of synth are pretty interesting too, and i think this does have a decent melodic sensibility, with that sorta mallet-sounding-esque melody that pops up past the halfway point. i guess one thing i can say is that this feels like a strange middleground to me between something that’s sorta eerie and something that is hard hitting. as a result, it lands in sorta an awkward place for me? idk, this is really hard to talk about because i feel like sonically and compositionally, there isn’t a lot to critique. but i also can’t say it’s really resonant for me personally. it’s hard to explain, but it might just not be for me. i mean, it’s not melodic enough to
appeal to that side of my tastes, and it’s too intense and not texturally interesting enough to appeal to the ambient side of my tastes. it feels like it hits this strange sweetspot where i can tell that parts of this are good, but it’s landing in an area where i don’t know what to do with it.

it doesn’t help that it has very low replay value, which is sorta a death sentence in this cat. meh. i don’t know, i just don’t fully get it.. though, the more i listen to this, the more it seems like one of the better subs for this cat, despite not really being what i was looking for exactly.

6.9

[vanity.]

15th place: roro__b

alive by kasablanca (joachim pastor remix)

oh nice, house-adjacent music! gotta love housey house. though i’m not sure if i can really call this housey house, because it does feel like it’s blending a few different things together. it’s sorta house, sorta trance, but also seems to be pulling from some progressive electronic stuff. it’s fairly downbeat and lowkey, which admittedly is slightly at odds with the cat, but there are certain parts of this where it does get more hype. i at least get where this is coming from. besides, i’m not the one working out to this, you are.

there’s a pretty nice build towards the midpoint of the track that leads to a pretty nice payoff. i also definitely like the groove to this, as well as the swirling electronics that basically act as the main melody to the track. though, usually, remixes don’t really do a ton for me, and i’m not exactly sure why. i guess it’s usually because i know of the source material already, and usually they don’t really do stuff with the source material that would make me want to listen to the remix over the original. i guess this is different though, because i like the vibe of this, as well as the distant vocal samples, despite the fact that i’m not familiar with the source material.

not sure i really got my feelings completely across, but i enjoy this a decent amount. i don’t think it’s going to be a favorite of mine for this cat, mostly because despite the fact that i like the vibe, it’s not really resonating with me enough. still, it’s a solid sub.

7.1

[vanity.]

14th place: mischief

i, godless by a night in texas

this certainly is heavy. and aggressive. so it works for this cat well enough! this apparently falls within the sphere of deathcore, which isn’t a genre i’m that familiar with. but every time i’ve heard this genre come up in like, walrus reveals, it’s sorta in one ear and out the other. though this admittedly goes pretty hard, if you gave me a playlist of nothing but deathcore and this was in there, it’d probably just blend in with everything else. the playing is pretty solid for sure, but i don’t get the sense that these guys are trying to do anything outside of their comfort zone.

i mean, this band just doesn’t stick out to me vocally, melodically, or compositionally. it’s sorta hard to talk about, because even though the performance and riffs are solid, it feels so by the numbers for the genre that i doubt i’m going to remember this. i mean, it’s entertaining for what it is though. additionally, i’m getting into this a bit more with repeated listens. if i had a workout playlist, i could see this making its way on there.

7.2

[vanity.]

13th place: shubaka17

start lifting dumbbells, and your life will change by triple-q

triple-q pog. wasn’t this guy affiliated with siivagunner at a time? i think so at least. anyways, this seems like a good ol’ mashup. mashups tend to be fairly hit or miss for me, as you can probably tell from earlier in the reveal lol. but this is less of soundclown where it feels like they’re mixing everything but the kitchen sink, and more of just a straight mashup of 2 songs: life will change from the persona 5 ost, and… onegai muscle, which is the op for how heavy are the dumbbells you lift. not gonna lie, i get the sense that this is just a fanservice anime, and i appear to be correct to an extent. anyways, life will change has never been one of my favorite p5 songs; i’ve always preferred the pensive and mellow when mother was there, or the jazzy sleaziness of price, or the straightforward banger that is whims of fate. of course there’s others (rivers in the desert is the obvious one i glossed over), the entire ost is amazing lol. so of course i like life will change, but i just feel like it’s sorta been memed and overplayed to death.

it’s probably actually good that i’ve been exposed this, because i feel like this can put life will change in a context where it’s not necessarily being meme-ified. i mean, it still is, but just not as much in my opinion. the parts where life will change takes the forefront are still quite good because life will change is just a good song. i think it’s the parts where onegai muscle takes forefront where the novelty of this becomes particularly obvious, but i think they hold their own enough to where it’s entertaining. i don’t know, look, this is just fun lol. i really like the backing horns that give this extra sense of grandness, and this has a pretty great groove at the core of the track. sure, it is a bit ridiculous and, again, novel, but i think it’s pretty enjoyable lol. i definitely get more out of this than a decent amount of other mashups, but i don’t think i’m anything more than casual fan.

7.4

[vanity.]

12th place: mistyx

shiny ray by yurika

this sounds like an anime op. turns out i’m right, this is the op to little witch academia. one of them. maybe. i haven’t watched that anime. i definitely like the energetic rock instrumental, and the strings all over this do give this a pretty triumphant vibe. the vocals are also pretty sweet, even if they sorta fall into the same area as a lot of other anime op’s. but she’s charismatic enough to this where she can sell the song. the times where the string sync up with her vocal melody is also pretty nice.

i will say that my biggest issue is that it radiates just, too much anime op energy. like, in this field, this doesn’t really stand out, other than maybe the strings. but even that is maybe slightly derivative for the genre. but i mean, if i look past that, the song is well composed and fairly uplifting. in that sense, this is pretty enjoyable, even if it struggles really standing out overall. but i just don’t get the sense that this op is so good that, if i watch the anime, i wouldn’t want to just skip it and get to the episode. sometimes op’s are that good, but this doesn’t quite reach that level for me personally. still, the admitted derivativeness doesn’t completely kill my enjoyment of this. it’s good for what it is.

7.5

[vanity.]

11th place: newcomb

reflector by medeski martin & wood

this is… an interesting sub to this cat. i definitely think it has a pretty clear groove that marginally works for what the cat proposed, but it’s a fairly freewheeling jazz track. it feels less like a composition and more so just a group of guys jamming out. that’s a type of approach i find easy to appreciate, but it needs the playing to be top notch. thankfully, the playing is pretty solid, and there are some interesting things going on. the guitar playing in the first leg of the track gives off a pretty funky vibe, and the additional voices that pop in in the last couple minutes kind of gives this an interesting foreign flavor. i mean, it sorta does sound like music to get stoned to, but i think it has merit outside of that.

i like the groove and the playing a lot, but it just has too little regard for conventions for me to really be super crazy about this. like, while the playing is good, it’s not so good or technical that it’s like mindblowing. i do really like when the bass and piano in particular sync up for certain parts, though. but overall, it’s just a little too aimless for me. i understand that a lot of jazz music isn’t supposed to be super tuneful, but for something that feels like a freewheeling composition, i don’t think the performances are so riveting to the point where it’s really blowing me away. as it is, i find it entertaining for what it is, but i’m not in love with it.

7.7

[vanity.]

10th place: lordquas

tilaskarot by keygen church

this might’ve been one of my most anticipated songs of the entire walrus. mostly because i’m aware that the person behind this project is also behind master boot record, and nwoshm.txt is probably one of my favorite songs from last walrus. ran goat. so i had pretty high hopes for this. it’s definitely… different from master boot record, which i guess makes sense. it’s less of a constant thrust of energy, and definitely has a decent amount more dynamics. the very prominent organs all over this almost give this a sorta halloween vibe. i sorta feel like this draws inspiration from like, the ost of a vampire film at times. not twilight. there’s at least a sense of novelty i get from this, as in “oh, i doubt anyone is blending this combination of influences”.

i don’t really think it quite matches the level of adrenaline and anxiousness that nwoshm.txt nailed, but i find it pretty easy to admire this regardless. a lot of the riffs are pretty badass, and the organs pretty consistently provide a fairly unsettling atmosphere. i do find the composition of this to feel a little arbitrary honestly, as in “this is sorta going wherever it wants without much attention to if it makes sense”, but that might just be another way of me saying that i’m not completely crazy for the composition and how much the organs feel like they’re just wandering. i mean, it’s definitely riveting to an extent, but it feels not as melodic or sticky than what i remember from master boot record, and i don’t even think the melodies of nwoshm.txt were that catchy, at least in a traditional sense. it also feels more niche than master boot record’s material, which was already fairly niche to begin with.

but i mean, is this pretty awesome? yeah, but more than anything else, it reminds me to dive into master boot record more lol.

8.0

[vanity.]

9th place: shad

black metal terrorist by denzel curry

what… the hell is this video. but, uh, more importantly, this is kinda crazy. i’ve always known that denzel curry has been one of the most acclaimed artists in modern day hip-hop, but i think knowing that couldn’t have prepared for me this. the hook sounds incredibly eerie and unnerving, which ends up complimenting the hard as nails verses really well. and the verses… they steal the show lmao. denzel is borderline screaming during these verses. and honestly, as someone that loves screamed vocals, this does appeal to me. though i mean, it’s not like a substanceless rap banger, or at least i think most rap bangers that suffer from a lack of substance wouldn’t be using words like “perfidious”.

while the verses definitely capture a vibe that i can say works for this cat, they’re also contrasted by the spacier and eerie choruses, which feels a little backwards but i think shows at least some amount of creativity. i think what’s keeping me from liking this any more is how brief it is. there’s only really 2 verses, and they’re both kinda short. if there were like 3 verses, i’d probably be satisfied, but it’s also that this is just… a weird freaking song. after the last hook, the song sorta just goes off on its own until it eventually ends. not sure if i really vibe with it as a songwriting decision to be honest. it does make for an interesting experience, but i’m not sure how much replayability it’ll really have. i do really think “black metal terrorist” is a very interesting song concept at least.

it’s definitely delivers a jolt of energy in moments. and the more i listen to it, the more i find that i enjoy the hell out of this. so yeah, i’ll give it the official “i think this is great” score.

8.1

[vanity.]

8th place: ampharos

d.i.y. by boogey voxx

uhhh… let’s see what i can say about this. i guess the reason i’m struggling talking about this is because of… being embarrassed about how well this works for me? i love the way the piano and guitar plays off of each other, and that refrain of “d.i.y.” is really ear-grabbing and sweet. maybe it’s just because i’m a dirty american. the rapping isn’t really the best, but it fits the really bright feel of the song. besides, there are circumstances where i can enjoy sorta subpar rapping… look at starting over (makin’ magic) by dj sabrina the teenage dj. though i wouldn’t really call this guy a subpar rapper; he’s skilled and charismatic enough to where what he’s doing gives an extra dimension of energy to the song.

i also really like the… i guess it would be considered the hook? idk, the section where there’s chopped vocal samples and the synths get turned up. i just really like how fun it is ig. i will say the one big negative of this song for me personally is that section with the sorta trap influenced breakdown, whatever it is. to me, it sorta takes me out of the song a bit, as i feel it clashes pretty heavily with the very bright feel of the song beforehand and kills the momentum. but it’s literally only for like 15 seconds, and the section that comes immediately after where both vocalists start playing off each other is also really enjoyable in my opinion. i also think some of the more edm style build-ups are slightly generic, but it doesn’t really detract from my enjoyment of this much at all.

uh, yeah, i feel kinda embarrassed to admit i like this this much lol. but this really hits my sweetspot for sweetness. not too much, not too little, just right. it also helps that both performers are really charismatic and i like the instrumental a lot. though, uh, that brief bombastic trap section still seems like a fairly ill-conceived idea to me, and does knock this down a few pegs.

8.2

[vanity.]

7th place: shinx

’to our paradise!’ withered savanna (rock remix) from the pokemon mystery dungeon: gates to infinity ost

oh heck yeah. you know, this sorta makes me want to listen to more rock remixes of pmd songs, especially if they’re consistently this rad. i mean, what i assume is the main melody of this song is like, very strong, and definitely has an energy that this cat sorta asked for. it almost reaches xenoblade chronicles levels of grandiosity. i really like the way the pianos sound on this track. they really help sell a majestic vibe to this song. the usage of what sounds like hand claps are also something i really like. they sorta sound like a transitioning tool in this song, which while common is done in this context really well. song overall is just really fun and the remix is done well lol. i listened to the original, and wow i guess i was missing out from not playing this game, huh? regardless, i really like how this remix uses the source material.

i guess i don’t have all praise for this, though. i do think the weakest link in this song is the section where. uh. usually i don’t have to resort to timestamps, but it’s the sections like the one at 0:57. idk, they just seem sorta awkward and out of place. listening to the original, i get why adapting it was challenging, but it doesn’t help it from feeling like a minor snag in the song. and while i do like the sound of this overall, the production is also maybe a slight flaw here. i do find the mix to be slightly muddy, or hard to tell what’s going on, especially during the more grand parts.

overall though, geez i found this to be a lot of fun. this feels like the first sub so far that i can just enjoy from start to finish without any major reservations.

8.5

[vanity.]

6th place: tangrowth

phylyps trak by basic channel

i see. you’re going for the lowkey banger route, aren’t you? well, despite the fact that i said that, this definitely has some energy behind it with that pulsating kick drum. it really goes into overdrive around the 2 minute mark, and while this is repetitive, i do think that there are some very subtle hints of progression going on here. times where some of the sounds recede, times when some of the sounds reintroduce themselves, but for me this doesn’t really get stale for me during any point of the runtime. i just really like the groove that this tune offers, and i like a lot of the other sounds i’m taking in as well.

i do think the choices of which sounds to use is maybe slightly dated ig? it does feel very cemented in like, the late 80’s to early 90’s techno scene. but that doesn’t really change the fact that i love this as a cat fit? like it feels really versatile; i could imagine someone lifting weights to this, or doing cardio, or any other type of exercise. it’s just really driving, grooving, and incessant to the point where it’s a great type of “keep going! keep going!” song. i mean, i don’t think the intention of the writing of this was to be motivation, because it sorta does sound like something that might play in a dark, obscure nightclub in the 90’s. but i think this benefits from being just detailed and driving enough for this to appeal to me.

admittedly, i do have a really big soft spot for electronic tunes with a subtly driving groove, and this definitely delivers in spades. i think the one thing that’s missing for me with regards to that formula is a really bold and memorable melody, but we’ll see if it grows me on.

8.7

[vanity.]

5th place: soah

snüffel by equilibrium

okay, this is pretty badass. apparently this is within the folk metal/viking metal genres, which. uh. i can hear the viking metal aspects, but i don’t really hear a ton of folk influence here. maybe it’s on the rest of the album. mostly because the additional instrumentation mostly just sounds like power metal inspired synths. but like, the riffs here are pretty great here imo.

well, until they just suddenly transition into what literally sounds like the riff from la grange by zz top. and uh, yeah it sure was unexpected. i’m not sure how much i actually like the inclusion of the zz top riff, given how. uh. distracting it sorta is. i mean, maybe it’s less jarring if you have never heard of la grange, but even if i didn’t know where it was pulling from, i think i still would’ve found it to be a bit of a momentum killer. it’s not like they really use the riff that much from that point onward; i mean, this sounds like the bridge. all they seem to do is take that riff, and after interpolating it, it sorta lingers for a bit as the faster metal passages come in, and then it completely dissipates by the time the next chorus comes in. idk, it’s a really odd writing decision that doesn’t seem like it was worked in as cohesively as it could have been. i could totally understand why someone would like this interpolation, though.

i mean, beyond that, i like the vocals, and hearing some power metal inspired synths is actually sorta refreshing when it’s paired with an instrumental and vocalist that isn’t trying to bash you over the head with how epic the song is. like, i definitely find more redeeming value in this than a lot of power metal i hear that i just find generic. plus, the guitar solo at the end is a really nice touch to such a fast and heavy song. i mean, this does have a lot of elements that i listen to metal music for, and it does sound like it’s doing something unique. plus, this band has pretty solid melodic sensibilities from what i can tell. i felt sorta mixed at first, but the more i listen to it, the less the la grange part bothers me, and the more the song’s sheer ferocity and melodicism appeals to me. i think my write-up is overall underselling the song, because i find this really damn great lol.

8.8

[vanity.]

4th place: alty altgrowth

the ping by naked flames

now this is what i’m talking about. this sounds sorta house and sorta trance with the production, but it’s also super fast tempo to the point where it’s hard for me to not groove to it. i will say that one of the most unique characteristics of this is that the production sounds… muted? it kinda reminds me of the caramelldansen but it’s playing from another room meme. though, not exactly because the sounds aren’t that muddy. honestly, that’s the one thing i think might take some getting used to, but i find this pretty awesome overall. the bass is repetitive, but it’s super groovy and lays the foundation for everything else that’s going on. the synths sound super trippy, and the drums are distant but carry a great sense of momentum. sounds like something like this would be great for cardio specifically.

though, i guess my struggle is explaining why i dig this so much, and criticize things that might be just as repetitive. i think the main reason is i really like the instrumental of this, and when i get into the vibe of the instrumental, i can look past maybe something being a bit too repetitive. plus, i feel like there is a decent amount of variation that happens in the instrumental, even if it might be hard to tell with how distant the sounds how. plus, this has a ton of energy and momentum to it, and with this style of production, it kinda has the benefit of being able to pick up new sounds and ideas every time i listen to it. such as the sections where the drums occasionally change up to be very trance inspired, or the way the bass shifts in the beginning of the song. the latter is so goddamn cool. though, i guess my one concrete complaint is that i think it’s like, 20 seconds too long.

but yeah, i love the beat and it’s super easy for me to get into. fantastic sub.

9.0 + 0.5

[vanity.]

3rd place: roman

unintelligible by jasiah feat. nascar aloe

holy $%#!. uh, yeah those two words alone are probably enough to sum up my opinion of this song. this is so aggressive, unapologetic, and filthy that it’s admirable. in fact, it’s almost to a point where i have to recover after listening to it because it’s just… so much to take in lol. and look, that’s coming from someone who regularly listens to screamo. that’s not to say this doesn’t appeal to me, because oh god it does. this hits me in a way i wish the denzel curry track from earlier did. like, some of the lyrics are sorta questionable in a vacuum, but it sorta feeds into just how disgusting the track is. and when the lyrics aren’t gruesome, they’re downright hilarious. “rockefeller, turn a [redacted] into a jehovah’s witness”? “i never wanna fit in, unless my $%#! can get in”? $%#!ing incredible. that’s not even to mention the vocals, which are consistently just this guy screaming at the top of his lungs, especially during that hook.

and honestly, when he switches up his vocals during the second verse, it’s actually really welcome. it gives this track a much needed sense of variety. i think nascar aloe’s flow is also a nice change of pace. though uh, i’m sorta conflicted between whether the “i genuinely don’t have a bar” line is either just lazy or brilliantly hilarious, but the fact that the instrumental just cuts and he delivers the line as though he’s swallowing the microphone, and in the most deadpan tone possible makes me want to lean towards the latter. and honestly, it fits with the rest of his verse, which suggests to me that the reason he partakes in this violent lifestyle is because of his own lack of self-worth. he values his life so little that he doesn’t care if that lifestyle will inevitably kill him. and that works… shockingly well for me.

i mean, i sorta don’t know what else to say. i do feel like this track is just so much that it doesn’t feel like something i can put on at any time, but is it easily going to be one of the most in-your-face tracks i’ll hear this cat? oh you betcha. it’s freaking killer. everyone else that subbed hip-hop this cat, take notes.

9.3 + 0.5

[vanity.]

2nd place: staypositivefriend

full blown meltdown by pup

okay, now you understand what this cat is about. this is gonna be a no bs write-up. this rules. not only does the unabashed post-hardcore approach to the track just directly appeal to me, but the lyrics are also just so good lol. but uh, let’s focus on the sound first. the riffs are hard as hell, and the performance in general is just so explosive and dynamic. despite the fact that there’s only really is 2 minutes and change of content! the vocals kinda straddle this line between spoken word, punky shouts, and full out cathartic screams. and i’m not gonna lie, every place there is a scream, it feels completely earned. my favorite one comes after the line where he talks about others fetishizing their own problems, to which he brazenly screams “and to tell the truth, i fetishize them too”. halfway through the song, i really appreciate the small section that sorta sounds like something touche amore or la dispute would write. given the confessional and honest nature of the song, honestly it would make sense if one of those two bands inspired these guys.

hell, this alone sells me on listening to the rest of the album, even though i know the rest of the album is likely not going to sound like this. and the main reason for that is the lyricism, which is so goddamn witty and conversational that it’s hard for me not to get into. i mean, yeah, maybe he is just whining about all of his problems; regarding how he feels disillusioned, impoverished, and irrelevant looking at the world around him. the way this is written, he knows he might not be complaining about anything special, but it has so much self-awareness and widespread appeal that it becomes relatable anyways. he might feel like he could be heading towards a full blown meltdown, but i’ll be there with him, feeling just as hopeless in a world rampant with class inequality. and god, the moment where he sarcastically says “you shouldn’t take it so seriously, it’s just music after all” makes me smile every time.

…well, not literally. but regardless, the song is just unbelievably well written and kicks all amounts of $%#!. maybe it’s not the most original sound in the world, but it certainly hits the spot for this type of song.

9.4 + 0.5

[vanity.]

1st place: mynameisnothing

paraffin remastered by you love her coz she’s dead

wow, uh. this sure is something. it’s bringing together swirling and glitchy electronics and synths with an undeniable punky and almost… trashy energy? like, the lyrics are about drugs for sure lol. it kinda sounds like the soundtrack to being at a club and being cocaine addled out of your mind. which, uh, i don’t relate, but this song has a large benefit that i love both electronica and punk music. also, apparently this group gets a lot of comparisons to crystal castles. which is actually good for you, because i have never really listened to crystal castles!

anyways, that hook is actually like, super strong in my opinion. it’s actually kinda impressive that it shines through all of the glitchy and chaotic electronics. it does sorta give me vibes from kesha’s early 2010’s output, but i don’t think kesha would ever jump on an instrumental like this. i also really like the groove to this, which like, yeah the percussion isn’t always the most interesting thing going on here, but i don’t think it’s supposed to be? there’s so much going on that i think the percussion being more chaotic would actually make this sound worse. so like, the dance beat to this really does work for me in this context. and geez, the vocal glitching in combination with the glitchy electronics makes this feel so unique.

i guess my only real complaint with this is that i wish it was longer, but it’s loopable enough to where that isn’t a huge issue for me. this definitely scratches an itch that i think i needed this cat. i mean, despite how trashy this is, it’s bringing together too much stuff i love to not rate it really highly. in fact, the more i listen to it, the easier it is for me to get into it. alright, you got me.

9.5 + 0.5

[vanity.]

cat 4 recap:



scores going into cat 5:



the podium of this cat did not need to go this hard... but i'm glad it did anyways.

cat 5 will likely occur at some point in april, possibly late march if i get it done really quickly. a lot of people skipped this cat, so i might fly through it.

also, as much as i hate to say this, fatmo and ploonet might get dq'd next cat. sad 😔

[vanity.]

@Ampharos
@Bloobird
@BLOODYRAIN10001
@Fatmo
@Frog
@hollowkatt
@Kane
@KarmaDope
@ladd
@LordQuas
@Marcher Jovian
@Mischief
@Mistyx
@MyNameIsNothing
@Newcomb
@nutella
@Owner Of A Lonely Heart
@ploonet
@PunchyTheCat
@Roman
@roro__b
@Schiavetto
@SchizoAffected
@Shad
@shubaka17
@soah
@staypositivefriend
@Syn
@Tangrowth
@Visorslash

cat 5 reveal will occur on wednesday, march 29th at 8 pm edt.

[vanity.]

cat 5

did you really think this would be a vain walrus without having nice, groovy, and mesmerizing house music? of course not. i love the textures, i love the exotic sounds, i love the atmosphere this song is trying to convey, and it has some incredible samples that only adds to the impeccable vibe. it makes me feel like i’m traversing through a jungle, unsure of what animal might try and attack me next. it’s tropical, but it’s also not super fruity or sugary. it’s very nocturnal, as though i stepped outside of my treehouse in the jungle to pick some fruit off of a nearby tree for a midnight snack. this is almost a perfect fit for this cat. it also helps that the song slaps and is irresistible. i’m just so lost in this instrumental.

9.7

[vanity.]

21st place: frog

i wanna be yours by arctic monkeys

lmfao

honestly this song lost me on the first lyric. why would you want to be someone’s vacuum cleaner, that sounds gross.

also this is the most boring and uninspired arctic monkeys song i’ve ever heard. at least do i wanna know is catchy and has some semblance of energy. this is just an unlikable and tedious slog. this is like rock music for the old folks’ home.

…and how is this a cat fit? i’m not sure i genuinely dislike it but i don’t like it at all.

4.0

[vanity.]

20th place: owner of a lonely heart

mr chow by acoustic alchemy

this is literally just background music. i’m not joking, that’s what this is advertised as. i swear i’ve listened to this like 5 times and i’m still struggling to say anything about it. sometimes i wonder how i padded out write-ups as much as i did… i say as i continue to pad out this write-up. i mean i get what you were going for but i don’t get much out of this. there is a sorta cool reggae influence to this with that subtle background guitar… or is it a synth? but in general i find this very insipid and humdrum. look, at the end of the day this just isn’t for me. there’s a million things that are sorta background music-esque that i would listen to before this. this isn’t unlistenable or even that annoying but i almost never want to put this on for any reason.

4.9

[vanity.]

19th place: roro__b

sabali by amadou & mariam

okay i really hate to be that girl, but… gosh the vocals. definitely an acquired taste, and not one i’m into. something about them grate on my ears. sometimes that’s just how it be. she’s not a bad singer but i’ll just say the vocals just aren’t for me. and when she isn’t singing, there’s these spoken word vocals that also don’t really do much for me.

the instrumental is like, somewhat cool though. it really starts picking up steam when the synth arpeggios come in. but like, this song feels like the auditory equivalent of a massive truck finally getting to speed on the highway, only to hit a traffic jam. it just takes so long to get going, only for it to dissipate not too long after.

i can get how someone would find this euphoric, but not for me at the end of the day. just has no replay value for me honestly.

5.2

[vanity.]

18th place: nutella

it’s an african jungle by hugo kant

i’ve never been a big fan of hugo kant when they showed up in walrus reveals, and this song isn’t converting me into a fan. it’s perfectly fine as background music but it doesn’t have any characteristic in particular that would put it over the top. the individual parts of the instrumental are cool on their own, like the sound clips, the pan flute, the exotic sounds generally all over this, but there’s not really a melody or a build or general compositional aspect that really grabs me. this feels like it’s coasting on almost entirely vibe and atmosphere. and hey, if you like the vibe and atmosphere, that’s cool. to me though, this song epitomizes the phrase “style over substance”.

it’s nice when it’s on but i’m struggling to get what the big deal about this is. in fact, i was thinking maybe i was too harsh on this, but… with repeated listens this really isn’t doing much of anything for me. sorry.

5.7

[vanity.]

17th place: mistyx

el dorado by two steps from hell

i feel like there are cool aspects to this, like the sorta middle eastern riff that kicks the song off, as well as some of those larger than life bass synths, but that eventually gets switched out for a sound i can only really call “movie trailer-core”. the main melody isn’t too bad, but it feels like it’s dolled up in too much overproduction for me personally. like, this feels like something that wants to be epic and just comes off as overwrought… which i hate using that word but it feels like its the most apt description for this. i don’t think i quite find it to be to the point of obnoxiousness but it causes a disconnect for me. it’s alright but not something i’m going to be coming back to.

5.9

[vanity.]

16th place: ladd

africa by toto

i mean, sure. alright.

the song is good but suffers from overplay syndrome. thankfully, there are other overplayed songs that sit worse for me compared to this song. but unfortunately for you, i’m docking points for a lack of creativity sub-wise.

6.3